12/31/03

Softball: Accomplishments

Dear People,

Another glorious year of cardiovascular excellence. I was thinking about just that as Sunday’s game drew to a stunning denouement in the bottom of the 9th, with Frank at the plate, two on, two out, and his team trailing by that most Bolshevik of all the great softball scores, 19-17. As Chris Fure pondered his 3-1 pitch, I glimpsed briefly into Frank’s rapacious corneas, and by extension, directly into his soul. Trust me, it was a thoroughly unpleasant sight, cluttered with raw consciousness, metaphysical flotsam and a truly frightful intensity of aerobic focus.

Indeed, I found myself trembling in anticipation as time itself seemed to bend. A sickly sparrow chirped in the distance. And then, suddenly, Chris released his legendary, arcing knuckle ball, and Frank, with the game, the year and his very dignity on the line, proceeded to immediately pop up to first. In all candor, everything about that moment was so utterly pathetic that as the ball descended gently into my glove, I found myself "wanting" to drop it, to give little Frankie just one more chance, and to tell him that just because he was his own team’s captain, mistaken is the mistress who sticks blame at the top. Of course, I couldn’t do that, for he is to blame, purely and unequivocally, and for that, he’ll have a lot of hard thinking to do, solemn and alone, come 2004. Sad . . . so very sad.

In any case, I am delighted to tell you that in my most productive day to date in my new house, I personally went out, bought two burlap sacks, filled them with sand, and placed them snugly outside my basement door, thus assuring that the vulnerable underbelly of my cherished abode will stay dry despite the imminent arrival of yet one more despicable storm. AND, I also found some sundry wooden things to successfully prop up a fledgling oak tree that had been viciously felled by the sicko winds of the night before! So yeah, people can still sneer and make fun of my spatial dyslexia and general ineptitude and wonder if I’m really "homeowner material," but the inspiring reality is that with every visit to Sears, Ashby Lumber and Scandinavian Designs, I am more convinced than ever that I am actually the mythic love child of Paul Bunyan and Martha Stewart. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices or Kleeberger this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond


1/2/04

Softball: A Common Tongue

Dear People,

There will be a game this Sunday at 11AM at either Kleeberger or Codorncies, and as of now, there is just ONE slot left.

Due to the wretched Ohioesque weather that we’re currently enduring, you will need to check email about an hour before the game. I know that’s harsh, but the point is that we are a stout people by both training and temperament, and thus if there is still a light drizzle come Sunday morning but our Astroturf homeland is open, we will simply play with our rubbers. And no, I’m not saying that just because I want to use a favored British noun that has such joyous connotations on this side of the pond…Raymond 845-7552


1/2/04

Softball: Sunday 9:50AM: The Art of Diplomacy

Despite the fact that we are now basking in cloudless and magnificent weather (unlike those suckers back East), Codornices remains somewhat puddled and officially closed. This may become problematic in the weeks ahead, but as of now, Kleeberger North is still unoccupied.
Do not be frightened; There are soccer playing peoples practicing at midfield, but they are friendly and have agreed to move to the South field when we arrive.

We will therefore play on Astroturf, which everyone knows is the chemical sheathing of the Lord.

See ya at 11/Please park on the surrounding streets, and not in the Kleeberger lot (unless you’re willing to pay the $7 fee)/Sorry, no slots left as of now…Ray 845-7552

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