12/18/02
Softball: Discursive (Clowns, Christ and the Glory of Astroturf)
Dear People,
Sympathies to all on last week’s despicable wave of game-killing meteorological terror. I seriously considered forcing every commit out to the field in spite of the countless sturgeon, gators and water rhinos that had migrated to shallow center-left, but in the end, a personal crisis of resolve contributed still further to a week of contemptibly jejune leadership. I understand the discomfort that this has caused, and thus if the people so demand, I will join Berkeley Mayor Tom "Bozo" Bates, Boalt Hall Dean John "Randy" Dwyer, Boston Cardinal Bernard "No Problem" Law, and Mississippi Senator Trent "No Negroes" Lott in once again tendering my resignation, unless, of course, I choose not to.
In any case, the truth is that I was very hesitant to organize a game this week because the harsh reality is that more storms are probably on their way, and having briefly majored in the Geology of Soil, Loam and Related Clays, I am well aware that it may take a miracle of contemporary drainage to sufficiently dry out our homeland before Sunday morning. But then I started thinking about the annoying risks of extended torpor, and how it is likely that many of you would suffer from a frightful spike in triglyceride and low-density lipoprotein blood levels if you went another week without aerobic release. Once again, my brain has ached with Hebraic guilt and debilitating strategic abulia. And so naturally, in this solemn week before the 2004th anniversary of his birth (give or take a decade), I have asked myself that most eternal of all recreational queries; What would the Lordmeister do?
Well, I’m certainly no expert, but I think it’s fairly obvious that Jesus would not want us to grow needlessly stout and wan if there were any chance at all that we could feasibly play a game. Indeed, it was Saul (Paul) who later told Peter (Peter) that when the Lord accepted 70 additional disciples to join the original 12 apostles, his greatest hope was that the extra man-power could finally form a decent Samarian soccer league (At that time, only Jericho and Livermore had teams, and truth be told, the Romans thought both were pitiful).
The point is that even if the rains return and Codornices sinks ever deeper into the utterly pointless ecology of a filth-laden urban suck-swamp, the mudless biochemical sheathing of our beloved Kleeberger will most likely be available as a backup. And therefore, there will probably be a game this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray
12/19/02
Softball: Defiance
4:40 Thursday
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that the current round of all this contemptible hail, sleet and wind makes even trying to organize a game an objective act of delusional madness. Perhaps. And yet I really don’t think that’s any of your damn business, and therefore, and unless we’re totally hosed, there will be a game this Sunday at 11AM, either at our beloved Codorncies, OR, more likely, at Kleeberger (The latter is located on Gayley, between the Greek Theatre and the Stadium, across the street from the Haas Business School---Ample free parking and delightfully synthetic grasses!). Alas though, and for those of you who dawdled while betting on the triumph of communal paralysis, all slots are now taken.
Please note that you will need to have email access on the fateful morning, since if Codornices is unplayable, I will be sending out reconnaissance units to verify that Kleeberger has not been seized by lacrosse-playing men with their well-marbled buttocks, soccer moms with their prepubescent fascist youth, or other sundry forces of softball-hating sickos. Also be aware that depending on climatic realities, we may very well switch to touch football, or as a last desperate resort, cigars, poker and twister at my place.
Assume nothing until you get definitive word, most likely between 10:00 and 10:15….Raymond 845-7552
12/22/02
Softball: Sunday 9:55 AM: Astroturf!/Touch football first/Spontanious!
As of ten minutes ago, Kleeberger South was still available, but the North field has already been seized by surly and beefy-buttocked lacrosse players. Therefore, we will meet at Kleeberger South at 11AM (On Gayley, between the Greek Theatre and the Stadium across from the Haas Business School). If it is seized by softball-hating sickos between now and then, we will retreat to Codornices, which is officially closed and still quite soaked in some spots, but basically playable so long as I bring my trusty shovel and turbohydraulic grassing iron.
Obviously, both options involve grave organizational risks, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to deny Andy AND Mikey AND Jen what could very well be the penultimate aerobic experience of their tragically rootless lives. No, I will not do that, and therefore I’ll see you at Kleeberger, and if you arrive late and we’re not there, head toward Codornices….Raymond
PS: One slot now available/845-7552
PPS: I will try to be up at Kleeberger by 10:30 for a touch football game in order to liberate our chosen lands. If you really cared about Mikey and Andy and Jen, you would too…
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