12/5/01
Softball: The Tyrannies of Mud
Dear People,
I am well aware that we are now approaching one month without the opportunity for aerobic release, and that for many of you, this is a chilling reality of grave physical consequence. Indeed, I shudder to the very marrow of my bones when I think how many of you have become literally encrusted on the woolen piping of your media room divans---your pasty flank and buttocks now a shocking display of limaceous adiposity. Ick.
I can assure you that I am working on a quick return to a regime of recreational renewal. Unfortunately, the insensate functionaries at UC still refuse to rent out our beloved Kleeberger Field, that magical Astroturf sheathing that nurtured our community for so many rainy seasons. And just as distressing, the City now claims that for any week in which there are heavy rains, Codornices needs at least one full day to dry out, lest our outfielders needlessly risk the water-based ravages of malaria, cholera and nongonococcal urethritis.
Perhaps. But given all this, I will soon be submitting a formal proposal to the Berkeley City Council in which I strongly urge that the entire Codornices outfield be immediately denuded of its natural grasses in order to pave it over with a water-resistant coating of virgin lime-green polyurethane flooring rubbers. I suspect that some of you will be "uncomfortable" with such a solution, but frankly, I have grown weary of incessant environmental correctness.
Ultimately, we all know that grass is nothing more than a noxious weed with inexplicably good press, and that regardless, even the underlying soils and surrounding trees offer few of any organisms with the slightest ecological relevance. And moreover, by replacing all of that pretentious loam with a fresh slab of Monsanto’s finest, we assure ourselves countless more games in which to frolic and thrive while imbibing the synergistic intoxicant of plastic and shrub.
Of course it will take time to win over the Council hardliners, but if we adhere to our most cherished chemo-industrial convictions, I believe that we will prevail. In the meantime, there will be a game this Sunday at 11AM, weather permitting, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…..Raymond
12/6/01
Softball: Le Soleil ;-)
Dear People,
There will almost certainly be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, since according to my contacts at the Estonian consulate in Livermore, the weekend will be sunny! Unfortunately, all slots are already taken, but as always, you are welcome to call and see if there are any late cancels.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this time only, includes a traditional post-game holiday stein of refreshing Atlantic Ocean saltwater…..Raymond 854-7552
PS: If weather conditions are ambiguous (including any significant rain on Saturday), be sure to check email or voice mail.
12/9/01
Softball: Sunday 9:50 AM: Hosed Again (Again)
All I can say is that this is not my fault.
In any case, Andy and I just returned from Codornices, and we both agree it is too muddy, drizzly, cold and despicable to carry on.
Patience….Raymond
12/9/01
Softball: Sunday 10:35AM: A Fervid Defense of the Decision-Making Process
Since the first accusations of "wussy" are starting to pour in,
I would like to point out that:
a) It rained last night, and thus the outfield really is muddy.
b) While it’s true that as I type these very words, the sun is now coming out and it will undoubtedly be beautiful by 11:00, I had to weigh the risks, which included no fewer than five people driving in from outside the East Bay. What about them? Huh, did you think about them?
c) The field is officially closed, and that presents grave legal challenges that involve both the delicate nature of my relationship with the city and my future prospects for national office.
d) Andy made me do it. ;-)
BACK