Softball: Guilt, Turkey and Drivel
Dear People,
Let's cut to the chase: As you may remember, three days ago I wrote you the following…
Alas, though, the hard reality is that it's still pouring as I type this, and thus the odds of Codornices being truly playable by tomorrow morning are about 1 in 10 Trillion (Yeah, I happen to have an old 64-bit Cray CPU in my basement, so it's not like I'm pulling numbers out of my arse).
Well, what's funny about this is that what I meant to say is “1 in 2,” which is just like “1 in 10 trillion” although it's actually a tad less. I mention all this because the following morning I went to see Codornices for myself since I happened to notice that the insidious nimbostratus clouds of the previous night had given way to a glorious and sunny day. And bitter truth be told, the fact is that outside of a few infield puddles that we could've quickly bucketed dry, she was verdant, barely damp and totally playable!
In other words, I am personally responsible for the utterly needless cancellation of the most cherished aerobic release in your frightfully sedentary lives, and for that, I think we all know that I have no choice but to accept full responsibility, tender my resignation and immediately return to my beloved childhood dacha in suburban Velikije Luki (See D.K. Slater's seminal history, A Shtetl in the Bosom: Mother Russia and the Weschlers of Velikije Luki, 1835-1971). I love you all, and will miss you more than life itself.
Of course, in fairness, I'd like the record to show that when I decided to call off the game, it had been pouring for hours, I had already received three thoughtful cancels that night (“Dude, fuck this- I'm going skiing”) and Yahoo Weather was predicting “steady rain thru Sunday morning.” In brief, every fiber of my being told me that if I pushed forward, I would not only be wasting your time, but I would be running the real risk of exposing you to malaria, pneumonia and non-gonococcal urethritis. No, my friends, that I was not willing to do.
The point is that I'm well aware that many of you will soon be departing for the extended Thanksgiving Weekend and thus I had decided that even if I weren't returning to my beloved childhood dacha, I wouldn't bother organizing a game. But then I started to think about what I had written you 10 years ago this very day, and while I'm obviously not going to quote myself verbatim, I would gently remind those of you who are about to leave for the usual sanity-destroying family reunion that the roots of softball are profoundly steeped in the American tradition of community, reflection and tryptophan-laced poultry. Indeed, as I wrote you back on that innocent day in the Fall of 2000….
Few seem to remember that when Captain Miles Standish and Squanto rose to toast their good fortune on that frosty Plymouth evening in November 1621, both men agreed to a post-dinner match of exhilarating AAA Pilgrim Ball (A curious colonial pastime that most recreational historians now believe was an embryonic version of soccer, although it was actually played with darts). Unfortunately for the Wampanoag, their team lost 10-8, and thus under the pre-game agreement, they and their relatives had to abandon all of New England by 1625. Nevertheless, the honored tradition of combining hearty fowl-based meals with vigorous exercise was firmly established, and I for one see no reason to discontinue it now.
I think you see where I'm going with this, and while I'll soon be tilling the rich nutritive soils of Velikije Luki, I'd be honored if you'd let me toy with your emotions for one final rain-menaced weekend. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
11/26/10
Softball: Stuffed
Dear People,
There will very likely be a game this Sunday at 11, and as of now, there are still seven slots left. Both Yahoo Weather and every fiber of my being say that it's going to be absolutely gorgeous that morning, so if you're on the fence and suffering from abulia, stop screwing around and make that commit. Remember, when you force me to troll for players on a Saturday, it's our entire communal dignity that takes the hit.
Of course if it rains between now and then, and it probably will, you will still need to check email that morning around 10. But I can assure you that I will not crack under the stress like I did last week, which means that if Codornices is playable, we'll be there.
This week's field fee is just $4, and that includes a special post-game debate on the comparative annoyance of paper cuts, stepping in dog pooh and Sarah Palin's tweets….Raymond 845-7552
11/28/10
Softball: Sunday 9:30AM: Drainage, baby!!! ;-)
Codornices is glorious/Field officially open/ See ya at 11…Ray 845-7552
PS x 4:
i-We're at 19 players, and 20 is perfect; Be a hero and make that late commit! (Of course there are three delicious slots still available).
ii-If anybody wants to get there a bit early to help out, I'll be bucketing out the one and only puddle, at home plate, with a shovel and hoe. Yeah, a hoe, and I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.
iii- There is a delightful leak spraying water from the pipe leading to the drinking fountain behind home plate. It doesn't really impact us in any way, but the rainbow it creates is stark and wondrous.
iv- It's cold outside, bitter Minnesota-style cold (Like those days when Minneapolis plunges into the 50s); Wear yer long woolen skivvies.