11/14/12
Softball: A Somewhat Strained French Perspective on Events of the Day
Dear People,
My team gently throttled Chris Fure's, 12-9, in the first game back at our beloved Codornices homeland since we were cruelly forced into exile, two draining months ago. She had clearly missed our patter, for her lush, verdant grasses were taller and more yearnful than before, and as soon as the first player stepped up to the plate, I could hear a native river yak braying joyously in the distance. Oh sure, the infield needs dragging, the lawn needs mowing and she now has more ankle-destroying gopher holes than ever before, yet none of that truly matters. Indeed, we were finally home, yes, home, and like Dorothy and Toto before us (God, how I love that noble schnauzer), we can now forever thrive in the Kansan-like bosom of our own aerobic shtetl.
The point is that dubious acts of communication are not limited to bigwigs within the military and national intelligence bureaucracies (and to be sure, I refer both to the dumbass medium of transmission as well as to the ill-advised nature of the actual semantic load). In fact, I think we all saw that in the bottom of the 5th, when Alan Shabel unleashed a searing line drive to deep center left, and Mike Davey took off from second as the go-ahead run on my side. As the Daveyator darted past 3rd and headed for home, he screamed out to Anthony for the ceaseless sagacity of a base-coach in his prime; “Easy or hard?! Easy or hard?!” he shouted, and the Antman-our calming voice of reason in a world gone mad-instantly assessed the calculus of orbital risk in motion. “Easy, easy, easy!” he screamed, and with that, Mikey gratefully decelerated in a tactically curious bid to conserve his precious mojo juice.
In retrospect, I can't really say who's to blame for the fact that good 'ol tortoise toes arrived at the plate a full two steps behind Steve Powers' blazing throw to home, but I would humbly suggest that Michael may have been asking the “wrong question” as he contemplated the contours of his journey from 2nd to 3rd and beyond. Fortunately, my side still triumphed despite it all and after serious consideration, I've decided to not request his resignation despite the hit to our dignity, common sense and puritanical security. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
11/16/12
Softball: Determined
Dear People,
There will (hopefully) be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still five slots.
My sources at the Climatology Desk at the Latvian Consulate in Livermore are reporting that there will be some contemptible rain between now and then, but that we should be fine for Sunday. Remember, Codornices has drainage to die for, and even more importantly, we are a stout and hearty folk by both birth and temperament. So please never assume a game has been cancelled unless I confirm it, and look for a final update by 10AM that morning.
This week's field fee is just $4, and because I crave your vote, that includes free beer, condoms and visas. . . Raymond
PS: Over the last several months I've collected various pullovers, jackets and other sundry clothes after the games, and as much I love using the trunk of my car as a way of connecting to my inner hobo, I think it's time to give that stuff to charity. So, if you're missing any clothes, let me know now.
PPS: Mike Davey has bitterly complained about our use of the Trailer's Rule, and after reading his alternative proposal below, I'm inclined to adopt it as The Davey Rule. If you object, let me know…
1. Base coaches for batting teams are responsible for determining a player to be safe or out. If the base coach is not present, did not see, or is unsure, the call is deferred to the defense (the team in the field).**
2. Note that a batting team is disadvantaged without base coaches present.
3. If the defensive team is unhappy with a call, they may make a plea to players from the offense in the stands. Any consensus from the stands will overturn the ruling on the field (this could be a consensus of one). If there is a split-decision from the stands, the ruling of the base coach stands.
** Important: when a call is deferred to the defense, any player directly involved in the specific play in question is automatically recused from the decision (a ruling is deferred to the closest player, or the player with the best angle on the play). Players involved in the play should respect that they have no say.
While I suspect it would be rare, if none of the above quickly resolves a questionable play, then we go against the natural order of the Universe and re-impose the Trailer's Rule (this, in order to get on with the game, since the Universe does not generally favor underdogs).
11/18/12
Softball: 9:02AM Sunday: Drainage of the Gods!!!!! But…
The good news is that despite last night's continued downpour, Codornices is gorgeous, close to unpuddled, and drying out under the glorious post-rain sun as I peck these very words. Ya know, if there is anyone who loves nature as much as I do, I'd like to know who it is.
The challenging news is that we had 20 players, but I woke up to three flu-related cancels this morning, so let me cut to the chase: Jim McGuire has flown back from Indonesia after five long and snake-infested weeks, and I'll be damned if we're going to greet him with our first under-subscribed game in over five years.
SO, if you haven't committed and you're on the fence, now is the time. OR, if you're already committed, please look deep into your gregarious childhood organizer and find me another player by 10ish. Oh sure, we don't have komodo dragons, but we do have community, and that's almost as good.
See ya at 11 (with a shovel and a hoe. Yeah, a hoe)….Raymond 845-7552
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