11/10/99
Softball: A Radical Breakout from the Paradigm of Appeal
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last weekend's sudorific 20-14 exemplification of feral athletic excellence, complete as it was with no fewer than four breathtaking homeruns, one of which sailed so far into the thick virgin shrubbery of deep center field that the city reservoir just beyond laid momentarily vulnerable to a paralyzing assault of unfathomable repercussions. Indeed, I still get misty-eyed thinking about the staggering velocity and arc of that streaking cowhide orb, and how, for just a few brief seconds there, the fragile inter-connectivity of our eco-aerobic infrastructure was so starkly laid
bare for all to witness.
In any case, I have once again been skimming through various and sundry documents, but the simple fact is that there just isn't that much that happened in baseball history in mid November, so I'm not going to try and finesse it. However, I also happened to be reading some historical linguistics last night, and while doing so, it occurred to me that I needed to think "outside the box," for clearly the sources which can trigger athletic passion are as eclectic and mysterious as the human spirit itself.
In particular, I was reading about the Great Vowel Shift of the 14th and 15th centuries, in which the unwieldy stressed vowels of Middle English went through some stunning phonetic transformations. Among other things, the harsh [uu] sound (as in our word, "boot") took less than five generations to emerge as the modern and beloved diphthong [ow] (as in our word, "cow"). At this point, you may be thinking that this has nothing to do with softball and that somebody should get me my medicine.
Perhaps. But it suddenly struck me that if the Great Vowel Shift had NOT occurred, the wonderful games that we play today would be considerably diminished, if for no other reason that the people playing them would sound so pathetic. I could just imagine what would happen if I were up with a two strike count and I made that third swing and a miss---No doubt the opposition team would excitedly begin to scream "He's uut!, he's uut!." Indeed, just asking the simple question "How many uuts are there?" would open up the inquirer to merciless ridicule.
Oh sure, some of you will insist that if the GVC had never occurred, people would simply be "used to" the sound of these words. Frankly, I think we all know that such speculation is utterly specious, and completely ignores the harsh realities of phonemic experience. In point of fact, saying someone is "uut" is objectively lame, and I for one am grateful beyond measure that we no longer have to sound like a bunch of illiterate non-baseball-playing Medieval English dufuses.
Therefore, and for that reason alone, there will be a game at Codornices, this Saturday, November 13th, at 1PM, IF I get enough players by this Friday morning. So do what you must and make that commit; Not for some stupid obscure baseball star whose impact on all our lives is a dubious abstraction best left to athletic philosophers, but rather, for the Great Vowel Shift of the 14th and 15th centuries, upon which the aural foundation of all modern sport rests, stout, hale and manly....Raymond
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