10/31/01
Softball: The Roots of Changing Policy
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s spat-laden 20-9 blowout of frisky recreational emotion. Let the record show that as my own team pulled 12 runs ahead in the top of the 9th, I made what is perhaps the most dubious fiat of aerobic arbitration in the history of our fragile community, and while my intentions were worthy, I am prepared to immediately resign and return to my humble Bavarian fennel ranch if the collective will so requires.
For now, though, blunt explication is in order. With two out and two on base, Jen, as is her wont, smashed a searing line-drive about 72 inches right down the first-base line. She then took off with the fervid determination of a rabid gazelle, as Nanci, desperate to close an already calamitous inning, stormed out from the catcher’s perch, picked up the ball, and threw the Jenster out at first. That should have been the end of it, but life’s rich pageant is rarely so simple, and that sultry East Bay afternoon was clearly no exception.
In any case, I was virtually certain that Nanci had grabbed the ball well within fair territory, thus sealing Jen’s fate as a failed hitter of ignominious scale. Yet a couple of my players started yelling that the ball had in fact rolled foul, which in turn unleashed a torrent of incredulity from Mikey’s already wounded troupers. The tension was raw, the stakes were high, and I was suddenly forced to immediately declare an objective epistemological reality, lest we all endure another round of really stupid bickering.
Truth be told, I was just about to pronounce the ball fair and the hitter out, when I suddenly turned and saw inchoate drops of tiny little tears well up from Jenny’s stunningly innocent corneas, her hopes for "just one more chance" carved unmistakably into the taut and desperate smile of her sorrow-filled visage. Then, in a visceral response that I can simply not defend, I decided there was no harm in giving my own team’s hitter the benefit of the doubt, and thus unilaterally declared that the ball had been foul. Under the circumstances, Mikey’s infielders reacted with admirable restraint, and in fact only two of them actually questioned my right to drive without glasses. In any case, Jen went on to walk, two more runs scored that inning, and I later left the park victorious, but feeling the subtle and gnawing guilt of 1,000 porno-lovin evangelists.
The point of this poignant little tale is not, of course, to imply that mine is a life of abject moral failure (though admittedly, such a claim could be convincingly made in other venues). Rather, it is to clarify that the guidelines for resolving contentious calls cannot include the "pitiful face" standard, but must in fact be steeped in the traditions of logic, fair play and wuv for your fellow athletes. Therefore, I would like to propose that from now on, the benefit of the doubt be quickly given to the trailing team, thus bringing closure and approximate justice while minimizing the coarsening effects of incessant yapping. And having said that, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by Friday morning….Raymond
11/2/01
Softball: Ceaseless Struggle Against the Human Condition
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, but alas, there are no longer any slots left. As always, you are always welcome to call for late cancels.
Please note that the field is once again reserved at 1 and 3PM, which means that you should get there by 10:58 AT THE LATEST. To be honest, it bums me out that we so often have to rush games at the end because of a few lackadaisical stragglers who don’t take the time issue seriously, and therefore I am instituting another new and brutal policy: Anybody arriving annoyingly late to time-limited matches may be prevented from committing to future games before the usual confirmation letter goes out (thus dramatically increasing the risk of being shut out). Call me a monster if you must.
In any case, this week’s field fee is just $1, and just to assuage your bitterness, that includes two poached eggs and salmon gravlax on toasted Portuguese sweet bread topped with Lilikoi Hollandaise.…. Raymond 845-7552
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