10/25/00
Softball: Dates that Matter
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last weekend’s blood-curdling 20-11 aerobic sirocco, with its disturbing wind-whipped vortices of dust, sand and cornea-hostile mulching grime. The fact is that many of us were deeply disturbed when we arrived at the park, but we all persevered with inimitable courage, and for what it’s worth, I was able to confirm that there is no real advantage to fielding under the dramatically narrowed visual gamut of a permanently held squint.
For the record, my team lost, and lost badly, but I’m obviously not going to blame the gusts for such an unfortunate calamity. Oh sure, my own eyes lain starkly exposed before the granular assault of a billion specks of desiccated gunk, while virtually every player on the opposing side seemed to be wearing military goggles, Georgio Armani ogling shades or some other optical indulgence of their ravenous tax-deductible lifestyles. Yet it would be brazen posturing to imply any causal connection here, for the simple reality is that while we played with a sublime Bedouin panache, we failed to exploit our own fearsome potential. Indeed, the fact that no fewer than three people had gently suggested at the beginning of the game that I had "stacked" my own side with an over abundance of power-hitters only makes me prouder of the tormented grace with which we so pitifully floundered.
In any case, and as most of you are certainly aware, this Sunday, October 29th, is the 71st anniversary of the greatest stock market crash in the history of the entire universe. I still get chills when I think of the fact that 74 billion dollars in wealth just sort of "disappeared" into the abstracted financial ether of a single sassy Tuesday afternoon. Fortunately, all of it was recovered by 1951, so it’s not like that there was any real impact. Nevertheless, many of our great grandparents seemed to think it was a fairly big deal, and therefore in their honor, there will be a game at San Pablo Field this Sunday at 2PM, IF I get enough players by this Friday morning. So go ahead and make that commit; This time, do it specifically for your dad’s mom’s dad’s broker, whose name or favorite utility infielder you may not remember, but whose clarion cry for rational valuation of equities and other assets on that fateful night 71 years ago strikes a raw nerve even today, whether you currently own a variety of aggressive growth stocks, prime suburban real estate, hi-yield corporate bonds, heavily leveraged Canadian pork bellies, or just a conservative portfolio of finely grilled applewood sausages….Raymond
10/26/00
Softball: Blunt Words, Spare and Direct
Dear People,
It is early Friday morning and we are still several players short of even the most minimal quorum for Sunday’s game. As you know, I will not hesitate to cancel the whole kit and caboodle if the organizational integrity of this process is ever jeopardized, and therefore, lest you all grow more wan, flabby and bovine than you already are, I implore those of you who have not already done so to get off your abulia-encrusted butts and immediately make that commit….Raymond
PS: Yes, I realize that it’s been raining, and raining hard, and rumors continue to swirl that San Pablo field is drainagely challenged. Perhaps, but I can assure you that I am in constant contact with the finest soil, silt and loam engineers in the entire East Bay, and I don’t even know what loam is. The point is that if conditions warrant, I can send out a cancellation as late as Sunday morning (And for those who are digitally deprived on weekends, my answering machine will function as a cherished font of epistemological reassurance). BUT, I can’t reserve the field later than today. So stop acting like a pathologically self-indulgent dumb-ass Midwestern swing voter, and do the right thing. Update late this afternoon……
Softball: Defiance
Dear People,
A pernicious synergy of just 15 current commits and a 75% chance of heavy rain tells me that I am about to tumble into the logistical black hole of logic defied, but than I think of great milestones in the history of decision making, and I find myself asking what the world would have been like on July 5th, 1776, if John Adams had said to Jefferson on the previous day that "Ya know, we better not sign this thing, I mean someone could get hurt."
The point is that caution is for pussies, and I want to play softball. Therefore, there will be a game at San Pablo this Sunday at 2PM, UNLESS I send out a weekend email saying the field is not playable. In the meantime, could all commits please do me a favor and round up another .35 people each, in order to assure a more vibrant aerobic experience.
The field fee is $2, and for this week only, includes a complimentary booster shot against all strains of tertiary swamp flu….Raymond
845-7552
10/29/00
Softball: 9:30 AM Sunday---No hair-dryer so vast…. ;-(
Dear People,
I must regretfully inform you that both infields at San Pablo are currently a despicable puddle-laden swampland of mud and muck. Alas, I have no choice but to cancel the game, for the risk of injury, flu, and non-gonococcal urethritus are simply too high.
Patience…..Raymond
BACK