10/22/03
Softball: The Varied Paths of Questionable Advantage
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s grueling won-on-the-last-hit 11-10 sojourn into the eerie Escheresque canvas of (just slightly flawed) aerobic perfection. The fact is that Jeremy led his team to a razor-thin come-from-behind triumph with his own bat in the bottom of the 9th, and there is simply nothing that can detract from the glory of that historic feat. I mean, sure, I could mention that their very first run was scored by Don, a spontaneously called on pinch-hitter who just happened to be "walking by" in the 5th inning, at a time when Jeremy and crew still faced the acrid prospect of a scoreless humiliation----but what would be the point?
I mean does it really matter that Donnyboy is our league’s premiere stud-muffin extraordinaire, and that his sudden yet wholly inexplicable impressment led to both his immediate momentum-shattering triple and, as it later turned out, a ghastly metaphysical tear in what had been the inevitable karma of our gingerly balanced peoples? Maybe, maybe not. Nevertheless, I will simply not indulge those on my team who, in the tense minutes that followed our ruin, broke out with embittered grumbles of "ASTERISK!" Non, mes amies, I won’t play that dubious card, but rather, I will gladly salute the winners again for their breathtaking 11-10 victory, tainted as it was by the vile specter of shameless cheating.
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In any case, and as some of you may have heard, several professional athletes have recently been subpoenaed in connection with a widening Bay Area probe into the distribution of undetectable but illegal performance enhancing anabolic steroids. In all candor, I understand the temptation of that stark biochemical road, for sometimes I’ll wake up on the lush morning of one of our games and look into the mirror and see my dubiously undeveloped pectorali and sternum, and I’ll think to myself, "If only I could get a daily injection of Testabol testosterone cypionate---What a fabulous way to increase my general strength and batting average while simultaneously developing breasts, jaundice and raisin-sized testes."
Yes, I have been more tempted by these wondrous quasi-hormonal candies than any illicit substance since my crank ’n glue phase back in the late ’90s. I have resisted, though, because unlike half the players in professional sport, I still cherish the notion of your pharmacological innocence. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
10/23/03
Softball: The Cycles of Life
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, and as of now, the game is FULL. For those who dawdled, I certainly understand that 14 players a team would probably be a veritable hoot, but precedent, the will of the communal majority and common sense actually argue against such an all-inclusive approach. Feel free to call for late cancels, and as always, commits who need to cancel should let me know asap.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes a Roasted Hen-of-the-Woods Mushroom Salad with Glazed Arugula and 50-year-old Sherry "Mignonette"……Raymond
PS: I am delighted to tell you of stirring news from Louisville. It can now be announced that Jen, of Jen and Mikie, is several months prego! This is presumably with the child of Mikie’s seed, though frankly, that’s just none of our damn business.
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