October 20, 1998

Softball: Astroturf and Pancakes

Dear People,

My apologies for the extended period of disconcerting silence, but I have been burdened by an oppressive amount of work, thus leaving me little time to assume my vital responsibilities as guarantor of your aerobic integrity. I assume you have all grown wan and sallow in the intervening weeks, pitiful shells of your once robust selves. Sorry.

The good news is that I was able to reserve Kleeberger for this weekend, and thus we can begin the long road back to cardiovascular self-respect. The one catch is that the only time available was from 9-11am on Sunday morning. Now before you go out and have a spazz, I want you to think hard about the moral implications of denying your body the athletic nourishment it so desperately craves, merely because you would need to get up a tad earlier than you might be used to doing. Let me gently explain why you should put aside your visceral contempt, and make that commit:

1. Saturday night is daylight savings, which means that 9AM is really 10AM. In any case, early morning is considered by many kiniseologists to be the body's natural 'peak time,' when such skills as throwing and bunting are most efficiently interconnected with the cerebellum's own hormonal clock.
2. Free parking at Kleeberger all Sunday morning!
3. The delightful opportunity to get done all your Sunday chores before mid afternoon, invigorated by the galvanizing good cheer of that morning's competitive mirth.
4. Most importantly, I presume that I need not remind you that this Sunday is the 114th anniversary of the first world series game ever played. As you know, the Province Grays beat the New York Metropolitans 6-0 that fateful day, and while my wall calendar does not note the time of the game, I can only assume that it was sometime around 9AM.

Yes, I suppose you could languor in bed instead, but I would ask you to think about what you'll be telling the grandkids 5-10 years from now. "Grandpa, how did you celebrate the 114th anniversary of the first world series game?" ..... "Oh gosh Zeke, there was a softball game that morning, but I felt it was too early, so I kind of stayed in bed and watched Linda Tripp's lawyer on 'Face the Nation.'" Yeah, that will sound really inspiring.

I think you see my point. Make that commit. Do it by this Friday morning at the absolute latest. Do it for the 1884 Province Grays, whose communal zeal for life is perhaps best personified by the lofting aroma of grilled mornin' sausage and freshly squeezed juice, traditionally served at the crest of dawn.....Raymond

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