10/15/03

Softball: Game Notes (Theological Musings on Strategy and Blame)

Dear People,

Let the record show that despite my team’s 19-13 loss to Jeremy’s, we played with objectively more class and grace then they did. Of course such twisted results suggest once again that if there really were a just and righteous Lord who intervened in the aerobic affairs of the universe, the score would have been reversed, and I’m not saying that just as a matter of sassy creedal theory. Indeed, how else to explain Franklin’s insatiable will to keep playing after injuring his tiny little sternum and shin in two separate but equally pitiful incidents, only to end up on the LOSING side?!

For that matter, I should state right now that I am not "happy" about the fact that with my team down by four in the 5th with two outs and bases loaded, I went down swinging for the first time in two years. But the point is that after I endured the instantaneous contempt of every player on my team, I didn’t calmly walk off the field, get in my car, and drive straight to Vegas, as most anybody else would have done. No, I chose to stay, reflect long and hard, and writhe in the sands of ephemeral humiliation, and for this, I honestly believe that I am a better people than most of you.

Nevertheless, this does not excuse what happened in the bottom of the 9th, with two outs, bases loaded, and Nanci at the plate; As my team clawed its way back one last time, I suddenly stopped the game in order to ask Jeremy if it would be fair to have a pinch-hitter for Siram, who had been right before Nanci in the lineup before he inexplicably took off for some stupid meeting in the City. In any case, this solemn request was not meant to imply that statistically speaking, any pinch-hitter on all of earth would have been "more promising" than her, though in retrospect, of course, some justifiably saw it as an utterly cynical attempt to delay her own rendezvous with destiny. Still, Jeremy was gracious and deferred to my judgement, though after eyeing me cynically, he distinctly grumbled "wanker" under his breath.

Indeed, this is something for which I’d feel eternally guilty if it weren’t for the fact that the whole idea was Ken’s, and in the desperation of the moment, I merely agreed to be the public face of our despicable ploy. The truth is that Ken should be ashamed of himself, yet except for this one lapse in judgement, my team’s failure was organic proof in its rawest form that the sweet nectar of triumph often pours straight into the corrupted carafe of the least deserving. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond



10/17/03

Softball: Treats for the Punctual

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, and as of now, there are still two slots left. Please note that this Sunday the park is taken by different groups at 1:00, 3:00 and 5:00, which means that we need to start as close to 11:00 as possible, which means that you should get there by 10:59 AT THE LATEST. Remember, 10:59 is just like 11:16, except that it’s actually 17 minutes earlier.

I realize I’m asking a lot, but I also promise that if you arrive on time, your $2 field fee might include a succulent post-game Fricassee of Atlantic Monkfish, lovingly served with caramelized onions and canned Anjou Pear…..Raymond 845-7552

BACK