Softball: The Delicate Issue of Nuts
Dear People,
In another one of those utterly superb matches that define who we are as both individuals and as a compelling athletic gestalt, Michael Davey’s team crushed my own in 10 breath-taking innings, 25-23. As captain, it would be easy for me to look back and pin the source of this tragedy on, say, Frank, who, despite his decade-long reputation as being “our best overall player when he isn’t being a dufus,” went 0 for 5 on a somewhat unhelpful blend of strike-outs, pop-ups and gastropodic base running. Still, I’m not here to cast aspersions, and regardless, it’s not like I was keeping track.
In fact, if there is any one person to blame for that final justice-mocking 2-run deficit, let the record show that at this very moment, I stand before you totally nude, splayed and guilty as charged. Yes, the hard reality is that when I personally had the chance to end their go-ahead rally with one on and two out in the bottom of the 7th, I choked and choked hard, as if I were nothing more than a crapulous old sailor with a piercing Asian carp bone stuck in my perfectly innocent larynx.
In fairness, though, I think I have a pretty good excuse. The fact is that the Daveyator unleashed a searing line drive that was darting straight to the tender gonadal sackage of my undefended corpus. Oh sure, perhaps other players who were “more manly” or “less pussyesque” would’ve stayed put and tried to catch the bullet in question, but in deciding to flee from the orb’s hostile trajectory, I was actually shielding my entire team from the ghastly prospect of a leadership vacuum right when they needed me most. Indeed, I now believe that if I hadn’t instantly jumped away, the impact would’ve left me either dead, comatose or in deeply unwanted communion with the mind of God.
No, my friends, the question is not whether I made the right decision under conditions of nearly incalculable stress, but whether under the criminal laws of the State of California, Mikey must now face charges of attempted aerobic murder. As a seasoned legal scholar who’s favorite Latin terms are “mens rea” and “men’s skivvies,” I think that he should. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning. . .Ray
10/8/10
Softball: Healthy
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still three slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes a complimentary one year subscription to the UCLA Journal of Monounsaturated Fats and other Salubrious Oils. . . Raymond 845-7552