10/5/99
Softball: Pain
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week's eerily uninspired 18-6 aerobic shellacking. While the losing brigade was clearly stronger "on paper," one should never foget that raw kinesiological superiority is never enough to overcome the sheer dint of an opposing side's greater will and better looks. And that is not a bad thing, for while we are occasionally forced to suffer the dull ache of athletic slaughter, the majesty of softball qua game remains, forever erratic and unpredictable, and always a vital refutation to those who insist on the feeble-minded tyranny of Calvinist athletic predeterminism.
In any case, and as most of you certainly know, this Saturday, October 9th, is the 60th anniversary of what many historians consider one of the most dramatic plays in the history of the fabled World Series. With the dominant Yankees leading the frisky upstart Cincinnati Red three games to zero, Joltin Joe DiMaggio found himself up in the top of the 10th of a 4-4 tie, with two out and one on---Charlie "the man" Keller at first. Reds pitching great Bucky Walters delivered a robust curve that DiMaggio sliced to deep left center, tempting Keller to dash toward home as the go-ahead run. Left fielder Ival Goodman bobbled the ball at first, but then hurled a stunning bullet of a throw directly toward Reds catcher Ernie "spaghetti" Lombardi. The ball arrived over a full second before the barreling Keller reached home plate, but unfortunately, it slammed right into Lombardi's groin before ricocheting off into the Yankees bullpen. A second later, Keller slid into home, cleats first, and also, alas, directly into the Spaghettimeister's tiny little theoretically
cup-protected testes.
The Yankees went on to win the game 7-4, and the series 4-0. It is now six decades later, and I honestly don't know if Ernie would later father children, but I do know that in the days that followed, the Cincinnati Inquirer accused this noble catcher of "snoozing at a critical moment." Frankly, I think this is a tad harsh for a man who nearly sacrificed his genetic legacy two times in two seconds, just so his team could win a stupid baseball game. Therefore, I would like to announce that there will be a match at Codornices this Saturday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday Morning. So do what you must; This time do it for Ernie "Spaghetti" Lombardi, who will forever be a towering and manly symbol of why our own games are always played with the "automatic-force-at-home" rule....Ray
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