10/2/02
Softball: The Upside of Lame
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s stirring 18-17 melange of sheer competitive excellence and tempestuous aerobic strife. For the record---and let’s get this out of the way right now---I have decided that I will not subject my own team’s magnificent triumph to the moral taint of some embittered scorekeeper’s asterisk (*). While some of you may find this a morally suspect decision, I can assure you that it was made only after intensive consultations with my priest, my therapist and my moyel.
In any case, allow me to briefly explicate for those who were not there: Due to a rare dearth of kinesiologic passion, both teams faced off with only 9 players each, and thus Frank and I agreed that each side would supply its own catcher under the universal and time-honored "Good Faith Rule." As you know, this venerable law of amateur athleticism relies on the basic integrity of the human heart, but that is precisely why it is so widely cherished.
Anyway, as my team came to bat in the top of the 8th, we faced an annoying 17-14 deficit, and even worse, I had to assign Terri to the enemy catcher’s position, since she had been the last out in the previous inning. In all candor, I felt conflicted and even tawdry in handing over such a dominant player from my own contingent, but these were the rules, and as captain, I intended to play by them.
Of course, I was soon focused on more than the sudden shift in power, for with two outs and a runner on second, a solid drive to left seemed to assure us a critical rally-starting RBI! Somehow though, Michael Davey hurled that ball with more vigor and precision than I ever thought possible, and thus as our desperate runner barreled toward home, time itself seemed to freeze in place as Terri’s role at the vortex of recreational destiny suddenly came into focus.
True, Michael’s throw beat out our run by a full second, and in point of fact, that ball flew into the webbing of Terri’s mitt with such mind-numbing accuracy that it’s as if the Lord himself had directed the trajectory. Clearly ANY other player would have caught it, and for that matter, I think it’s fair to say that most monkeys, chimps and rhinoceri would have also held on to that ball. Curiously though, Terri focused, gave it her all, and instantaneously dropped it. Pity.
Oh sure, some on Frank’s team were "frustrated" by this experience, especially after this darling error immediately allowed for our tying and game-winning runs. Yet we must all remember that it’s not called the "Good-Faith-Rule-with-Terri-Sucks-Exemption," and I would strongly suggest that we not adopt such a policy without serious and solemn deliberation.
For ultimately, it really is about what’s in the human heart, and I can assure you, Terri’s ticker is righteous and pure. In fact, I later asked her if she had tried her very best, and for a few painful seconds her face grew wan and tense. And then she told me her story. "Yeah, I really did try," she gently sobbed, "but I guess I’m not that gifted." I told her I understood and that I was still proud of her, and then we looked into each others eyes and we soon broke out in really unseemly giggling, and for good measure, we exchanged high-fives. Yep, ya gotta love irony.
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As some of you may know, this weekend marks the 243rd anniversary of the birth of Alexander J. Dallas, the tragically forgotten Secretary of the Treasury under President James Madison (1814-1816), whose name recognition with current American citizens hovers around .0000003%. Personally, I think that’s totally unacceptable, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday noon….Ray
10/4/02
Softball: A Clean Slate
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still THREE slots left.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes a fully valid, interest-free and indefinite court-ordered stay on all of your student loans, mortgage payments and embarrassing back taxes… Raymond 845-7552
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