Softball: The Uncertainty Principles
Dear People,
In a see-sawing athletic paragon of sublime intrepidity, my team kevorked Tony Mac's, 23-19. Of course the final score is almost irrelevant since the fact is that for the first six innings, each side had to battle both the opposing contingent as well as a bitter, foggy and pounding light drizzle. No doubt that players in any other league would've stripped off their moistened corsets and fled totally nude into the safety of the yak-laden tundra beyond deep left (with its sheltering foliage and tasty hot cocoa). Needless to say, we're not like those other losers, and thus we faced down the malarial hell that engulfed us and then proceeded to play some of the finest ball of our otherwise dreary and meaningless lives. Yeah, I still get clavicular goose bumps just thinking about it.
But there was more than just that: In the bottom of the 8th, with two out, one on, the score tied at 19 and the sun finally breaking through, manly Mike Davey came to the plate with his usual snarl, and as always, he scornfully eyed my first base perch as if his bat were a 12-guage shotgun and I was some kind of succulent hamstrung rabbit. Feeling a deep chill course through my bosom, I suddenly cried out to Frank at 2nd base that we needed to switch positions, and right then and there, switch we did! Just nanoseconds later, the Daveytator let loose with a lethal line drive that shot straight into the Frankfurter's impenetrable leather web-killing their rally, turning the tide, and suggesting yet again that quantum mechanics operates well beyond the subatomic duality of wave and particle, and indeed, brazenly reveals itself at that curious nexus of fear, telepathy and basic recreational physics.
Now look, do I “know” that if we hadn't switched positions, the angular momentum of Mikey's blistering hit would've affected the amplitude of probability on which said hit would've likely sped through the so-called quantum realm, thereby guaranteeing a “double that wasn't” by virtue of the very switch in question? No, I don't, and if you must know, I barely passed Algebra 2 at Samohi.
Still, when I read last week that physicists at the CERN laboratory in Geneva claimed that they had clocked over 15,000 neutrinos traveling faster than the speed of light-both a shameless violation of the theory of relativity as well as an utterly arrogant display of raw particulate prowess-my blood nearly boiled over in its own vascular piping. Of course I don't claim to know what it all “means,” but I do know that if the laws of relativity itself are not safe from basic neutrinial dissage, then we as a softball-loving people are left with no choice but to accept the unsettling possibility that the very game we play is a swirling aerobic cauldron of unenforceable rules that is destined for the ash heap of entropic annihilation. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at NOON, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
9/30/11
Softball: Sustenance
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at NOON, and as of now there are still three slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes a complimentary pre-game grazing platter of okra, head cheese and fermented Baltic herring…Raymond 845-7552