Softball: A Tale with Arc (Chronicle of a Strike Foretold)
Dear People,
In perhaps the most startling denouement in the history of unaffiliated email-organized sport, Matt struck out on the last pitch of the game, assuring my team’s magnificent triumph over Jonny’s, 18-17. Again, it wasn’t me or Nanci or even the sundry yak of the Codornices tundra that went down swinging, but rather, Matt—perhaps the most powerful slugger in the entire community, and a guy whose very presence at the plate sends waves of dread into the bosom of any pitcher who happens to be facing him.
Except, of course, Tom O, who never shows fear and rarely giggles. In any case, his sassy 2-2 change-up with a felonious spit-wad sinker sent the Mattinator into the unsightly twirlage of sudden and stunning SAV (Sloppy Aerobic Vertigo). That Matt had pounded 700-foot homers in his previous two trips to the plate only added to the shock of it all, but in fact, my friends, there was something more surreal, mystical and ontologically chilling than the ghastly strike-out itself. If you’d be so kind, allow me to drivel further:
Two hours earlier, Matt had approached me looking frightened and wan, as if the weight of the world had landed on his tiny little spleen. In any case, in front of several other players (witnesses, if you will), he unabashedly asked me if he could be placed on Tom O's team. "That guy knows how to compete," the Matterman said plaintively, adding that "Bad things will happen if you don't trade me." Naturally, I mocked his request as a shameless indulgence in recreational superstition, and when he realized I would not adjust the teams, his clairvoyant pupils engorged, his earlobes began to tremble and even his left pinky started to sweat.
Of course, it's now clear that the Mattmeister had seen deep into the inevitable trajectory of his tragic aerobic destiny (his TAD, if you will), and while I have no idea how he did this, I do know that I could use such skills myself to dramatically improve the overall performance of my investment portfolio. And therefore there will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 4PM IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
9/28/07
Softball: Quickly (The Lazy Craft of Self-Plagerization)
Dear People,
There will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 4PM, and as of now, there are still two slots left.
Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only includes either a complimentary post-game pedicure or a bountiful selection of fresh seasonal legumes…Raymond 845-7552