9/22/04

Softball: Dissed Again

Dear Fellow People,

Between last week’s game and some fresh tiramisu, I honestly couldn’t tell you which is more sublime. I do know that my team—weary, sullen and facing the 6th inning abyss of a calamitous 16-4 thrashing—looked deep into its communal inner-loser and saw the infrancaniophilic seedage of hope still extant. Well, perhaps not literally, but the point is that Jeremy’s team gravely misjudged our totally frisky will, and thus by the time it was over, we had emerged with a 27-23 triumph that was fun, noble and profoundly pleasing to the Lord.

Our entire contingent played heroic roles in this astonishing rally, and while I have no time to cite them all, special mention should be made of both Broh’s fearsome bat and Nanci’s vital role as our moral backbone. Of course, my own three-run-homer to the yak-laden tundra of deep left field was also a pivotal moment, for it was the first time ever that my experience at the plate was marked by the momentary corporeal possession of my entire upper torso, most likely by Jeremy’s lingering aerobic poltergeist. I have no other way to explain how I hit 30% further than I ever have before, and while it was a truly gratifying accomplishment, I still get queasy when I think of the fleeting yet freakish power that surged through my dainty little biceps.

In any case, the City of Berkeley has recently informed me that they are taking control of Codornices Park on Sundays from 9AM to 4PM, for much of the next few months. Amazingly, and despite the fact that we are indisputably the finest unaffiliated email-organized softball league West of the Sacramento River, the City has somehow decided that a bunch of prepubescent psychopaths called "Berkeley Youth Lacrosse" are somehow more worthy of our eternal homeland than we are ourselves.

This is typical of the callous bureaucracy that corrodes so much of local governance, but I’ll be damned if I’m going let those softball-hating bastards deny you one of the only cardio-vascular outlets that still give meaning to your otherwise pointless lives. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 4:30 PM, which is just like 11AM except it’s five and a half hours LATER, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond



9/24/04

Softball: 4:30 (Sundry Matters of Import)

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 4:30PM, and as of now, there is still ONE slot left. Please note again that the game is at 4:30PM, not 11AM, which is an important concept to master if you want to avoid the prepubescent Lacrosse-playing nutsos who have stolen our homeland.

Please bring $2 for the field, which, admittedly, and for reasons that I can’t possibly defend, goes to the same Berkeley city bureaucracy which has sanctioned the seizing of our lands by the aforementioned juvenile delinquents…Raymond 845-7552

PS: For those who absolutely need to play in the morning, there is an alternative game in Oakland that you may be interested in:

http://www.craigslist.org/eby/com/42697899.html


PPS: My brother Lawrence, the spindly-legged New York intellectual whose notable literary skills are somewhat offset by his dubious athletic value, will be in attendance this Sunday. In addition, Ren will be speaking on campus next week, at the following times and places:


Tuesday, September 28th at 5PM: 220 Stephens Hall, on "War Crimes, Brain Damage and Disconcerting Aspects of Flocks"

Wednesday, September 29th at 7PM: Wheeler Auditorium, on "Serenity and Terror in Vermeer" [A Slide Show]






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