Softball: The Struggles of a Schlemiel
Dear People,
In one of those sublime displays of taut competitive splendor, Tony Mac's team gently throttled my own, 20-19. The fact is that we nibbled at their tasty little heels until the very end, indeed, 'til the bottom of the 9th with two out and the tying run on base! Unfortunately it was right then and there, and for reasons I don't pretend to understand, that I popped up to 3rd on a dumbass pitch that was three feet short of the plate. In so doing, I not only brought the match to an utterly ghastly end, but I immediately became this entire league's most indisputable suck-goat. No, my friends, I don't write that with some kind of pervo pride, but as your official font of the community record, I have to call it like I sees it-bleak, unvarnished and hircine.
In any case, the macho city-sanctioned rugby team that they warned us of last week turned out to be a gaggle of yapping little prepubescent lacrosse players, and truth be told, I honestly think we could've taken them in either a scrum or a rumble. Unfortunately though, because I'll soon need to maintain a full diplomatic press with the Department of Parks and Rec (think Israel/Palestine, but with a lot of tension), I've agreed to an additional vasectomy-validating compromise that will further diminish what little respect you have left for me. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at NOON-which is just like 11AM except it's actually an hour later-IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
9/22/11
Softball: Noon, as in 12 (as in an hour later than 11)
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at noon, and as of now, there are still four slots left. If you show up early, you'll get to watch a bevy of irksome softball-hating stick-wielding mini-tykes playing lacrosse-a game that simply has no business being played in this country.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes my just-completed post-game cross-cultural comparative analysis on Michelle Bachmann, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Populist Appeal of Nutjobs…Raymond 845-7552
9/25/11
Softball: 11:08AM: Don't even think about bailing!...
With all due respect, this snickering layer of grey nimbostratus pussy is all bluff! I have conferred with the inner circle (my conscience and Chris Fure), and it's agreed we play. See you at noon….Raymond
PS: No joke, the radar is on our side:
http://weather.cbs5.com/auto/kpixV4/radar/radblast.asp?ID=PIX
PPS: Courage! Stout resolve! Yer goggle and rubbers if necessary….