Softball: The Travails of Our Own
Dear People,
After a long six-month hiatus, Tom O. returned to our community simply craving for prey, and sure enough, he immediately led Jonny’s team to a brutal 21-11 triumph that left my entire contingent feeling frightened, confused and in all candor, just totally dissed. At one point in the 6th, he had mowed down seven batters in a row and was coasting on a 17-4 cushion, yet he still looked annoyed, as if our mere presence at the plate was an insult to his moundage. Of course, the Tominator is the quintessential homme de deception, and thus I knew well that behind the searing focus of that stern mustachioed visage was the happiest pitcher on the face of the earth.
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In any case, some of you may have noticed that I occasionally like to
expose the precious moments of ineptitude that color our generally desperate lives, but such exposure never strays from the calamities of our sport, and for obvious reasons, I’m not about to break that principle now. I guess I’ve been thinking about this because some of the regulars were asking why Dave K was not at the game, knowing that he needed to counter the heightened stress of a new home, a new baby and even, ironically, the unrealistic expectations he’s faced as a batter ever since smashing a 150-foot homerun just 22 weeks earlier.
Well, I don’t claim to know why Dave didn’t play, but I do know that just the day before, I was helping him move his final truckload of possessions into his new home with his new baby when the bitter winds of Newtonian fate took an unexpected turn. As best I could tell, the Davenator was slowly pulling away in his gargantuan rented U-Haul when he noticed that his jumbo-sized rear view mirror was catching on a delicate lower branch that was sprouting from his new neighbor’s absolutely gorgeous 18-foot red-leafed maple tree.
Quickly drawing from his inner Ahimsa, Dave decided to take no chances, and thus stopped the truck dead in its tracks. Sure, others would have driven away in impatient indifference, but he valued the lush brown bark, the genteel leafy red leaves, and even the thriving aphidic society that such a vulnerable limb played host to, and indeed, it is precisely that type of attitude which makes him such a cherished member of our entire aerobic community.
Anyway, after closely eyeing the entanglement of mirror and branch, Dave put the truck into reverse, and then ever so gingerly backed it up, before moving it a few inches forward again. In fact, he repeated the process two more times, which may seem excessively cautious, but as we know from softball, Dave K sweats the details. Regardless, with wood and mirror now clearly disengaged, our hero hit the accelerator and quickly merged into the street in front of him.
Unfortunately, and for reasons I don’t pretend to understand, good ’ol four-eyes failed to notice a hooked metal extension behind the rear view mirror, and thus as he joyously drove off, he ensnared that delicate aphid-filled branch, instantaneously uprooting, dragging away and essentially murdering all 18 feet of the overrated lumber in question. Bummer.
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First of all, let me state at the onset that arbicide does not in any way disqualify one from membership in our league. I know that a lot of folks are thinking that we have to draw a line, but I would gently remind you that we’re all about intentions, not results (To be sure, that’s why Nanci has always been our most vital and consummate superstar). Moreover, I happen to think that life is a constant cycle of birth, death and renewal, and if Dave’s new neighbor can’t take a joke, then that’s his problem. And therefore, there will be a game at SAN PABLO #2 this Sunday at NOON, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
9/16/05
Softball: Your Farewell to Summer Sport
Dear People,
There will be a game at SAN PABLO #2 this Sunday at NOON, and as of now there are still six slots left. You are therefore welcome to commit anybody you know, so long as they’re good, decent folk who can accept our strange and mysterious ways.
This week’s field fee is just $3, and that includes a truly succulent pan-seared sesame encrusted Tuna with wasabi soy sauce and late summer garden peas…Raymond 845-7552