9/11/02
Softball: The Varied Strains of Valor
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s 18-5 plunge into the dark abyss of recreational carnage. The fact is that I’m still not sure how Michael Davy managed to suppress the ceaseless will to win which had lain so deep within the marrow of my entire team. Frankly, his pitching was mediocre, if not outright annoying, and yet one can’t deny his ability to systematically transform our most awesomely sculpted power hitters into tremulous bodies of bat-wielding mush-rot.
Oh sure, there was an unusually high volume of chatter suggesting that Michael was a no-good scoundrel, and that he was in fact furtively rubbing saliva, canola oil or even viscous spores of fungal plague on to the ball. Alas, though, the hard reality is that my intelligence sources say otherwise. And thus those on my team who still wonder what happened must simply accept that for cryptic and random reasons that one can’t possibly fathom, the chaos of the universe will sometimes transmogrify into a karmic beam of really unsightly suckitude. So deal with it.
In any case, and as most of you know, this upcoming weekend marks the 139th anniversary of the birth of Art "pimples" Hagan, the legendary Buffalo Bison’s hurler who pitched all nine innings in the Bison’s record breaking 28-0 loss to the Philadelphia Quakers, on August 21st, 1883. Many National League historians cite both his two-year 1-19 record and that particular game as evidence that he was somehow "ineffectual" or even unqualified to be a major league pitcher. At this late date, I honestly can’t say.
However, I do know that when a man of simple birth, noble intent, and zit-laden face continues to pitch through the last innings of the greatest statistical calamity of his or any era, well, that man is as much a hero as any who follow. No, he didn’t win a lot of games, or pitch a no-hitter on TV, or ever shout anything as inspiring as "Let’s Roll!" However, we shouldn’t forget that on that steamy August afternoon, he could have well turned to his teammates in the bottom of the 7th and bitterly cried out "This is total bullshit. It’s 24-0, I’m starved and there’s grilled wieners down at the pub!; Let’s roll!" And yet, and for the record, he didn’t do that either.
No, my friends, heroism is a nuanced calculus in the grand scheme of history’s great appraisal, and thus while Art "pimples" Hagan is admittedly no Cy Young, he will always be a towering symbol of integrity, commitment, and objectively dumb-ass perseverance. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond 845-7552
9/13/02
Softball: Erudite
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still three slots left.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only, and incredibly, includes a fully legitimate MA in Comparative Modern Literature from Golden Gate University…..Raymond 845-7552
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