Softball: A Trio of Gazelles Denied
Dear People,
Jonny's team pan-seared my own 15-11, but only because my side suffered from an exceedingly nasty case of infectious CAB (Curiously Asinine Baserunning). I suppose that such a condition wasn't even recognized a few years ago, but for those who are skeptical, consider the following:
1) In the 3rd inning, with one on and two out, my side was nursing a razor-thin 4-4 lead when inexplicably, Franklin took off from 2nd to 3rd despite the fact that the first basemen was casually walking the ball to the pitcher's mound. It was as if a retardo Australian lamb had bolted out of it's protective cage just to taunt the surrounding hyenas, and sure enough, the ultimate outcome of this particular pickle was ghastly, tragic and utterly predictable. Dumb.
2) In the 5th inning, with two on, two out and my side still nursing a fragile 7-7 lead, Chee slammed a breath-taking single straight up the middle, driving in the go-ahead run and advancing Ramona forward. Unfortunately, the Cheester apparently misunderstood the conceptual underpinnings of that ancient Egyptian saw "For every runner his base, for every base its runner." Indeed, as Ramona properly came to rest on 2nd and then obliviously proceeded to do her nails, Chee continued to dart past 1st and then on to 2nd himself, thereby converging with Ramona, the 2nd baseman and the ball at a solitary overloaded aerobic singularity in the time-space continuum. Dumber.
3) In the 8th inning, with one out, one on and my team now holding a taut 11-11 lead, Jessie bided her time at 1st as Ehud came to the plate. Suddenly, the Huud let loose a deep fly ball to Centerleft, and the Jesster instinctively took off for destiny. Alas, the ball was caught, and even worse, Jessie apparently misunderstood the legal implications of failing to tag-up. Fortunately, the sound of six panicked teammates screaming "come back!" did the trick, and thus she only covered 90% of the distance to 2nd before turning ’round. Unfortunately, and for reasons I don't pretend to understand, Jessie beat the throw, but then joyously darted straight past 1st and half-way to the bleachers beyond, thus assuring yet one more inning-killing tag-out to crush our hopes forever. Really not smart.
Still, while it would be easy to see Franklin, Chee and Jessie as merely towering symbols of tactical failure, I actually view their fleet-footed forays as both tactical failures AND profoundly subtle metaphors for the plight of the 19th century working classes in their constantly running efforts to unionize America's industrial heartland. Sure, call it a cynical abuse of literary tangentialization, but the bottom line is that this upcoming Labor Day weekend is a rare chance to honor your ceaselessly-toiling Chinese-Irish-Babylonian great-grandparents, and if you want to diss that legacy by escaping to Yosemite, Muir Woods or some other nature-fetished human-hostile vermin-infested National Park, I suppose that's your prerogative. I for one happen to think that the workers who built this country deserve a little more respect, and therefore, in their honor, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, FOLLOWED BY a totally yummy pot-luck barbecue, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray
PS: Please let me know if you're staying for the barbie (all friends, acuaintences and embittered ex-lovers are welcome), and what you'll be bringing beside your own meat or equivalent. Suggested communal contributions include grills, coal, lighter fluid, blankets to sit on, plastic utensils, paper products, seasonal greens, raw veggies, cooked veggies, chips, ice, drinks, desserts, fine breads and cheeses, fruit salad, cobb salad, corn on the cob, corn bread, bread pudding, more ice, soft drinks, beer, condiments, and if feeling truly inspired, a braised monkfish with seaweed cream, cilantro and kale.
9/1/06
Softball: The Varied Spokes of UC Extension
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still four slots left. In addition, there will be a yummy bring-your-own-grillage-plus-something-else potluck barbecue after the game.
Even better, this week’s field fee is still just $3, and that includes my long-awaited post-match pre-meal lecture on the wondrous evolution of unvoiced dental fricatives in Early Modern Finnish….Ray 845-7552