Softball: The Neglected Art of Abstracted Comparison
Dear People,
Jeff’s team crushed my own, 21-16, and in all candor, my first reaction was “How the fuck did that happen?” And then, of course, I remembered how it may have had to do with the fact that Jonny personally had something like 20,000 errors. Still, it would be easy to focus on one person and claim they were the primary cause of the failure in question, but that’s simply not my style, and I for one will not stoop so low.
On the other hand, I was indeed curious as to how 95% of the balls hit to short ended up darting right between his newly naturalized gams on their way to shallow left field, and more specifically, whether I was being too harsh in thinking that this was the most unseemly performance by a seasoned shortstop in the history of our community. So naturally, that night I did some extensive research at BISA (the Berkeley Institute of Simian Aerobics), and sure enough, I quickly discovered that my suspicions were not unfounded. In fact, several peer-reviewed studies show that in any given game, your average Rhesus Monkey would stop about 10% of those ground balls, or about twice as many as our cherished yet feckless hero.
Nevertheless, and just for the record, most scientists now believe that if you were to strategically place three ice cold pints of Häagen-Dazs rum raisin ice cream on the rich dark soils between 2nd and 3rd base, they would typically prevent only 1% of grounders from getting past the infield. So yeah, I can sit here and whine and ask myself why I didn’t choose the dumb-ass chimp over Jonny, but the point is that even on his worst day, this towering symbol of the ceaseless quest for athletic redemption is substantially more valuable than three strategically placed pints of ice cream. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
PS: The Bay Bridge will be closed for the entire Labor Day Weekend, but I’d be happy to pick up any of our beloved “Frisco” players at the Ashby or Rockridge BART. So stop quivering in abulia-laden paralysis and make that commit.
PPS: Beginning the weekend after next, we will be moving around in time and place, since some contemptible city-sanctioned Lacrosse team will have Codornices reserved on Sundays from 9-5, thru the end of October. Most games will still be Sundays at 11 at other fields, but the following week’s game will almost certainly be at Codornices on SATURDAY, September 8th, at 4PM. Do the right thing and plan ahead.
PPPS: Sometimes I wonder how it is that so many Americans cannot locate the United States on a world map: Now I know why…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII
8/31/07
Softball: The Workers’ Sport
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now there are still four slots left.
Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only, and in recognition of Labor Day, includes a delightful grilled Wofle Ranch quail with hand-rolled couscous and summer lumpenproletariat squashes….Ray 845-7552
PS: Some poor bloke from the softball community that plays before us is missing his beloved Blue Mizuno glove; If you have it, please let me know. And if you can’t find your Black Wilson infielder’s mitt, you’re in luck!