8/27/03

Softball: Smaller than Cubes

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s grueling 22-20 descent into the broiling ether of Saharan-like oppression (at least 82 obnoxiously hot degrees). Frankly, my heart raced as I glanced over at all of you, with your parched throats, sweaty neck skins and blank hallucinogenic stares of dehydrated despair. And that is, for the record, why I went against every principle of recreational integrity in allowing an unprecedented late -inning 15-minute-break for Mr. Popsicle Man.

I can’t tell you how conflicted I felt when I first heard those familiar childhood jingles coming from the 200 Watt Marantz Speakers in his chipper little van, for while I would have hated to see any of you collapse from some stupid heat-induced coma, it just goes against every fiber of my organizational being to indulge a wussie communal craving for frozen sugar water in the middle of a gloriously contested game. And yet I must confess that my own throat had also pined for relief, and when I finally got it, I realized yet again that the finest Chardonnays, Zinfandels and Merlots---with their supposedly subtle yet full bodied taste---are in fact objectively inferior to the mouth-watering allures of a fresh bubblegum-flavored snow cone.

I honestly believe that, and if that makes me uncultured, or some kind of culinary philistine or perhaps "a blithering idiot," then so be it. The point is that my team held on to beat Frank’s despite the brutal heat, and thus as a reward to myself, I will celebrate the upcoming labor day weekend by writhing totally nude in a large vat of crushed Union-made ice with pure cherry syrup. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray


8/29/03

Softball: Useful

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, and as of now there are still four slots left.

Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes my personal inspection of your crankshaft, suspension bushings and ball joint seals, with optional transaxle service….Raymond

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