8/15/00
Softball: The Cosmic Confluence of Things Far and Gone
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s richly textured 22-13 exercise in existentially tinged aerobic jocundity. Although my own team floundered pitifully for the last eight innings, the sting of defeat was tempered by the genteel grace of the opposing contingent, the raw sensuality with which their dominance congealed, and of course, the presence of those Virgin Flaming-Red Ace Hardware Sand Buckets, each one serving not only as a geometrically magnificent marker dividing "fair" from "foul," but ultimately, as a beacon of Euclidean hope in an otherwise brutal, indifferent and starkly amorphous universe.
In any case, and as most of you probably know, this Saturday, August 19th, is the 439th anniversary of the ascension to the throne of Mary, Queen of Scots. I know that many of you will be uncomfortable honoring her, if for no other reason that you find the omission of the definite article in her title to be grammatically suspect. Frankly, I also find this disconcerting, and beyond all that, I happen to be one of those people who is still convinced that Mary conspired with her lover (and future husband), the frisky Earl of Bothwell, to knock off her husband (and cousin), the demure and timid Lord Darnley. I suppose we’ll never know for sure at this late date, but even if true, the simple fact is that Mary sired James (the1st), direct progenitor of the current Queen Mother, 100 years old this month! And when seen in such sweeping context, I think you’ll agree that as a people of such profound recreational anglophilia, we can’t simply "pretend" that we haven’t noticed.
Unfortunately though, Codornices is taken all of this Saturday. However, I am delighted to report that the vast and lush grasses of Albany Middle School Park are available (On Buchanan, between the freeway and San Pablo). Now, before you start to get sullen and frightened in the wake of such dramatic change, I want to gently remind you of what I wrote in the Spring of 1998, when we first had the privilege of using this gorgeous tundra;
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Unfortunately, Kleeberger will be monopolized by various Cal teams next weekend. Thus, we will return to the internal exile of Albany's verdant grasslands, where tolerance, softball and marijuana plants flourish in the rich Albanian soil (In a bit of historic irony, few realize that this idyllic East Bay town was named for Albansy Houxhja, the noted Albanian immigrant, anarchist and Brooklyn Dodger short stop, who became the first player to ever bunt in professional baseball, allegedly after falling tipsy from smoking a reefer before game 5 of the 1923 world series).
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The point is that it’s a full two years later, and yet the darling city of Albany is once again prepared to welcome us with open arms. Therefore, there will be a game at the wonderfully huge and well maintained Albany Middle School Park this Saturday at 11AM, followed by a robust high-fiber round of ultimate frisbee, IF I get enough players by this Friday morning. So go ahead and make that commit; This time, do it for Mary, Queen of (the) Scots, and little Albansy Houxhja, two towering giants of the Western tradition, and ironically, both direct metaphysical cloneionic lineage of the beloved American actress Shirley MacLaine….Raymond
8/18/00
Softball: Desperate (The Acrid Pill of Potential Denial)
Dear People,
It is Friday morning and we are still distressingly short of even the most minimum quorum for tomorrow’s softball game. Now I realize that quite a few of the "regulars" happen to be out of town, and that for those who remain, the change in time and place makes you feel both queasy and frightened. Nevertheless, this, of all weeks, is not the time to make me grovel, and I think you understand that.
The fact is that we have gone nearly 30 consecutive weekends without a cancellation, and I think we can all be proud of this. However, if I were now forced to cancel the very game for which we plan to move back to Albany, I believe the damage to our reputation as an enlightened softball playing community would be severe. Oh sure, the Albanians are a Marxist, inscrutable and utterly wacko people who have virtually nothing in common with those of us in Berkeley, and yet they have opened their hearts and gorgeous field, and for us to now scoff at their generosity could only lead to further balkanization of the already fractured East Bay psyche.
No, I’m obviously not going to grovel, but I would gently suggest to you that this is no time to play coy with your aerobic love. So please, in the name of humanity, get off your indecisive ass and make that commit.
Update this afternoon……Raymond
PS: If you are one of those recreationally suspect people who don’t play softball but would be willing to play ultimate frisbee at the same time and place (tomorrow at 1 at Albany Middle Park Field), please let me know. If we fail to get a quorum by this afternoon, I will asses the grim set of options….
11/19/00
Softball: Sorrow, Disgrace and Aerobic Flexibility
Dear People,
As you know, my spleen secretes the tears of 1,000 compassionate conservatives whenever I have to call off a game, but the simple fact is that 13 commits is simply not enough players. Thus, in order to maintain organizational integrity, tomorrow’s softball match is cancelled.
However, there WILL be an ultimate frisbee game at 11AM at the same Albany park*, and unless I hear otherwise, I will assume that all those who committed to frisbee will still be there. As of now, we should have plenty of players, the courage of our aerobic convictions, and 10 mega-cool flaming red sand buckets to help ease our shame. ……Ray
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