8/11/04

Softball: In Search of Better Pen-Pals

Dear People,

Despite a bone-chilling roster of fearsome batting acumen, my team floundered about like a punchdrunk rutting whale—listless, craven and the ceaseless object of morbid media curiosity. The upshot is that Frank’s team flayed my own, 17-6, and once again, it was Peter on the mound that played the decisive role. Yes, even if we put aside my crass indulgence in non-parallel logic, I think we can still agree that Peter is to pitching what Mick Jagger is to sexy, and to be sure, this heartfelt compliment—rich in stark envy and subtle nuance—hardly detracts from the brilliance of his every annoying throw.

In any case, and as is my wont, I happened to be up about 2Am last night, web surfing on my beloved Mac, when I suddenly got an irrepressible craving to exploit the sundry technologies of our era by communicating with the Swiss embassy in North Korea. I mean, if I were a Swiss diplomat, I couldn’t think of a more appealing place to be stationed, and yet frankly, I suspect that the embassy staff in Pyongyang has little access to the kind of kinesiologic release that we so take for granted here in the Bay Area. Thus, I wrote them all the following:

———

Dear Swiss Embassy Staff in Pyongyang,

You don’t know me, but I have always been interested in international diplomacy, and since we all know that you are stationed in one of the most nutso diplomatic postings on earth, I would just like to express warm regards to you from world-famous Berkeley, California. To be honest, I’m writing you guys specifically because I couldn’t find any other embassy in North Korea that even has email, but regardless, I just want you to know that there are distant folks from other lands who are thinking of you, if for no other reason that we’d like to know what it’s like to live on a different planet.

Listen, I have no doubt that after a life of fine chocolates, efficient banking and Mountainous Quadra-cultural excellence, it must be a bit of a downer to find yourselves in the world’s only semi-nuclear pyscho-pathocracy. Indeed, I’ve never been to Pyongyang, yet I can certainly imagine that in your entire Daedong District, there isn’t a single decent gym, little less a baseball field! Therefore, I’d like you to know that if any of you guys ever happen to find yourselves flying back to Zurich via San Francisco (say, for example, because the pilot got confused), you’d be more than welcome to reconnect with your inner aerobic diplomat by joining my community in a joyous match of unaffiliated email-organized softball (see http://www.eslnotes.com/ray/6.html).

Very Truly Yours…..Raymond Weschler (Quasi Dear Leader of the Local East Bay Softball Peoples)

———

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this time I’ve gone too far, and that by inviting the entire Swiss embassy staff, I risk flooding the game with so many Kimchee-eating Helvetic emissaries that there won’t be enough slots for you or yours. Maybe, maybe not. Still, I think we all know that life is tradeoffs, and this is in fact the risk we must take in order to make contact with people who have such utterly compelling day jobs. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond


8/13/04

Softball: The Verbal Roots of Inflated Pricing

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still TWO slots left.

This week’s field fee is just $2, and that includes a delightful post-match Carpaccio of local halibut with anise hyssop, lemon, and capers…Raymond

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