8/3/11

Softball: Adieu (The Ceaseless Churn of Roster Renewal)

Dear People,

My team ruthlessly pounded Alan Miller's, 29-23, in a chaotic and emotionally turbulent battle marked by muscle, moxie and intermittent mood juice. And while there was apparently some whispered grumbling that I had stacked my own side with too much girthy firepower, the fact is that this game wasn't decided by Art or Steve Powers on my side, or for that matter, Greg Laddish or Tony MacIntosh on theirs. Indeed, it was Justin-Alan's own filial pride and the emerging media symbol of today's inscrutable youth-who blasted two late-inning multi-RBI homers and kept his demoralized and panicked contingent from cracking under the stress of a 19-run 6th-inning deficit. No, it wasn't enough to close the gap, but I have no doubt that without the Justinator's galvanizing mojo, their entire team would've fled numb, nonplussed and nude straight for the yak-laden tundra beyond deep centerleft.

In any case, it's only fitting that Tom and Anne provided the pivotal je-ne-sais-quoi for my side's ultimate triumph, and while I'm obviously not going to humiliate them with cloying pre-departure drivel (that's obviously not my scene), I do need to acknowledge that these towering paragons of British athletic innocence have apparently played their last game of American softball and feasted on their last post-game American barbecue. Yes, my friends, the hard and bittersweet reality is that they will soon be en route to their cherished childhood dachas next to the Clotted Cream Canteen behind St. Paul's Cathedral.

I suspect that upon their arrival at Heathrow, a grateful Queen will immediately bestow them with the Most Noble Order of the Aerobic Garter, and frankly, bestowed they should be; Anne's final outing featured a flawless performance as catcher as well as breathtaking dominance at the plate-An RBI and three critical hits, including two blistering line drives a full six feet down the third base line! Tom's contribution was admittedly more subtle in that his sprained wrist technically rendered him “useless,” yet few would deny that at the end of the day, he was nothing less than the inspirational backbone behind our every run.

The point is that while Tom and Anne's escape will shake this community to the very marrow of its bones, we are an organic and constantly evolving people that will simply transcend the sorrow of our dark and Britishless abyss. Yeah, I've always said that 1776 was totally overrated, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray


8/5/11

Softball: Democracy

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still four slots left.

Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes my personal guarantee to shield you from extortion, gridlock and the other recent joys of dysfunctional governance by continuing to rule this community with loving dictatorial fiats….Raymond 845-7552

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