7/24/02
Softball: The Esoteric Seeds of White Collar Naughtiness
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s splendid 15-14 exemplification of the raw competitive rigor that makes our unaffiliated-email-organized league one of the most widely cherished features in the history of the El Cerrito Cable Aerobic Network. It is in particularly joyous games like this last one that I’ll sometimes look into all of your cherubic little faces and take great satisfaction in realizing that at least for those two glorious hours, we do nothing less than disarm the inescapable despair of our essentially pointless lives.
In any case, and as most of you know, this weekend marks the 97th anniversary of the birth of Tony "Cooch" Cuccinello, the legendary Cincinnati Reds 3rd baseman who lost the closest batting race in major league history, in the hot and sultry Autumn of 1945. ’Ol Coochie led the league for almost the entire season, and finished with a magnificent .30845 average. Alas, though, the pompous Yankee 2nd baseman George "Stuffy" Stirnweiss smashed two singles on three at bats in the last game of the season, and thus apparently snuck ahead to take the batting crown with an official average of .30854, a microscopic .00009 ahead of Cooch! In the days that followed, the Southern Ohio papers did not hide their suspicions, and even the Cleveland Plains Dealer opined that the stats suggested nothing less than "blatant Catholic-hostile accountancy."
Oh sure, it’s 57 years later and most of you would undoubtedly let sleeping numbers lie, but I happen to know that Professional Baseball relied on Andersen Consulting for all of their asinine statistical needs. And yes, if these bankrupt bastards and their ilk can give us Enron, Tyco and Worldcom, then I hardly think it’s over reaching to suggest that deep in the genetic marrow of such organizations festered both the will and the means to rob the Coocher of the one singular honor that he promised to win for his beloved Roman Grandmama, who tragically passed later that Fall, at a spry 108 years young.
In all candor, I don’t really know how to "prove" my allegations, and at this late date, perhaps it’s best to simply move on. Fair enough. But I happen to think that in this cynical age of corporate malfeasance, we no longer have to accept the fact that a genuine hero was mathematically hosed by a despicable cabal of corrupted Anti-Italian accountants who wouldn’t know a Fielder’s Choice if it bit them on their shameless post-War buttocks. And therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by Friday morning….. Raymond
7/26/02
Softball: Open Borders
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still SEVEN slots left. You are therefore welcome to commit non-community friends, acquaintances and even the really creepy rogue elements within your extended family.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes your choice of some fresh mango sorbet or a complimentary stein of Portugese butter worms….Raymond
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