7/22/09
Softball: Martial Speculations on the Interplay of Species
Dear People,
With Ehud on the mound and an insatiable will in our hearts, my team held a nearly insurmountable 3-2 lead as we entered the bottom of the 5th, and in a certain narrative sense, that’s where the story ends. Technically though, Chris Fure’s team scored an additional 18 runs and ended up edging past my own 20-9, but the way they did it seemed so harsh and methodical that I still feel tawdry just talking about it. Initially our defense was superb (with both Stefano and Debbie making early-inning catches that defied the very laws of catchiositude), but then their hitting began to catch fire, and with each blistering line drive, it soon felt as if Chris had unleashed a giant boa constrictor that inexorably squeezed the momentum, breath and very hope from my waylaid contingent. Yeah, it was that ghastly.
In any case, I suppose I’m mentioning the dumbass snake because I’ve happened to come across several stories about those despicable Burmese Pythons now infesting the Florida Everglades (see http://lethalapp.com/news/2009/05/python-population-said-to-explode-in-florida/), and for what it’s worth, their abilities to strangle our aerobic resistance seems more metaphorically relevant than, say, the skill-sets of those curious giant jellyfish that are currently terrorizing Japan’s perfectly innocent fishermen (see http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/07/19/japan.jellyfish/index.html). Of course we have few pythons or jellyfish around these parts (write I with a rural twang straight from Kentucky coal country), but I myself am a victim of nature’s hideous array of sentient carbon-based verminila, for I have both a family of skunks and a cackle of ’coons currently hanging out in my own backyard. Fortunately, I know how to handle such uninvited guests, though if the concentrated ammonia and blaring Metallica don’t work, I will not hesitate to calmly sit down and reason with’em.
The point is that even though I’m a somewhat sheltered city-boy who dislikes almost all creatures outside the great cuddly mammals, I do enjoy a good daydreaming round of Darwinian chess. So after musing it over for a while, I’ve concluded that if an army of skunks and Burmese Pythons were allied against a contemptible coalition of raccoons and giant jelly fish, the former alliance would totally kick ass, leaving both the ’coons and jellsters stinky, utterly demoralized and frequently swallowed whole. Call me an idiot, but that’s what I believe, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11 IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning. . .Raymond
7/24/09
Softball: Morons
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still five slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes my timely post-game lecture on the stunning links between those conspirators who planted the evidence for Obama’s 1961 Hawaiian birth and those who staged the 1969 moon landing. Oh sure, we’re all about the softball, but I think we also know that it’s time to take back our country…Raymond 845-7552
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