7/20/05
Softball: Your Money’s Worth
Dear People,
As my team stammered to bat in the 6th inning, we found ourselves
utterly jejune, parched from the oppressive heat, devoid of all hope, and facing a horrific 13-1 abyss. The simple fact was that Bill "Jefferson Series" Nickel(l), whose familial name belies the fact that he is perhaps our community’s most underrated hurler, had shut down my very best batters with his lethal array of curve, knuckle and spittle balls.
Jonny’s swagger only added to the pain, but in all candor, with Don, Chris and Ken all reduced to a series of pitiful infield pop-ups, I had already resigned myself to a long and painful whuppin’. No, my friends, the Nickelator was worth nothing less than a Million Bucks, and while he may be a genuinely nice guy and a superb Professor of Russian Literature and all of that other meaningless crap, the fact is that he was Jonny’s secret weapon, inflicting incalculable damage on both body and spirit.
Of course, ‘underrated’ does not mean ‘consistent,’ and when my team’s communal water finally broke, it was as if the aerobic Gods had imbued every hitter we had with the raw nutritive power of an anabolic liver pill. Our 11-run 6th featured five multi-base hits in a row, and while I’m obviously not going to continue this puerile excursion into hackneyed fiscal metaphor, it was clear that little Billy Nickel was now
nothing more than a rusty two-bit penny on the dusty mound of triumph denied.
Well, not exactly, for the carnage continued on both sides, and in the end, Jonny’s team did beat my own 22-21, but in all seriousness, nearly blowing a 12-run lead is not the kind of performance that one can look to with any true sense of managerial pride. Frankly, their last four innings were an unsightly display of acephalous chaos, and while they held on to "win" in the narrowest sense of the term, I don’t think it’s inaccurate to say that ultimately, Jonny’s second-half captainship was nothing short of feckless.
In any case, it is with deep economic sorrow that I must inform you that the City of Berkeley has raised the cost of renting our cherished homeland from $34 to $57 (At first I was upset, but then I calmed down after I realized it merely reflected a modest 73% inflation rate). This means that for now on, your field fee will be $3, which I realize is an outrage, though in fairness, it’s still only .093% of the current mortgage to which I remain enslaved.
Regardless, I will be closely monitoring the impact that all of this has, for I can assure you that I have no intention of letting our humble little league transmogrify into an elitist clique of recreational punk-ass Brahmins. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday…Raymond
7/22/05
Softball: A Brutal Sting in the Local CPI
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now, there are still three slots left.
This week’s field fee is $3, which I realize is a lot, but that does include a pre-game Sage and Garlic Brodo with Summer Chanterelles…. Raymond 845-7552
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