Softball: A Brief Rant on a Target Too Easy
Dear People,
I'm a bit chagrined to report that Jonny's team pulverized my own, 29-16. The reality is that as late as the 6th inning we had a commanding 13-13 lead, but then our defenses began to crumble and crumble fast, just like the Roman Empire, the Berlin Wall and that leftover piece of grandma's pan-seared rump roast which I decided to soak in barium hydroxide. To be sure, I was always an insatiably curious youth.
Of course some things were beyond our control. For example, Matt's blast to the water-reservoir beyond the center-field tundra left my team feeling frightened and unclean. And Jonathon's searing one-hop hit into Broh's lower left jaw triggered a distracting wave of vicarious ouchy-pooh from which we never really regained our focus.
Perhaps most unjust of all, Jonny's love-smitten woman arrived midgame with two other hottie partisans, and I'll be damned if they didn't immediately form a sassy trio of shameless pro-Jonny cheerleaders. Yeah, that is the aerobic context in which we quickly succumbed to the stress-induced onset of a team-wide myoconic seizure, and thus in fairness, the next two innings’ 3 flubbed pickles, 5 dropped balls and 17 overthrows were certainly not our fault.
In any case, I was going to announce that Senator David Vitter (R-Louisiana) would no longer be welcome at any of our games because of his just admitted involvement with a Washington DC prostitution ring. But then I learned this evening that in fact this episode must have been a totally anomalous freako incident, given that Mr. Vitter has always been a true friend of the American Family.
Indeed, he’s apparently beloved back home for his unwavering endorsement of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, his consistent support of abstinence-only education (presumably, including, abstinence from Washington-based hookers), and his principled determination to give all one-cell embryos the full protections of the US Constitution (including, one would think, the one-cell embryos that reside in the wombs of the Washington-based hookers that he may or may not have knocked-up).
Sure, it’s easy to be “cynical,” but if the Family Research Council says he’s actually a strong proponent of the true family values that you and I cherish today, who am I to judge him otherwise? Indeed, Vitter himself just released a statement admitting that while this dalliance was a “very serious sin,” he has in fact “asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife.” So yeah, Dawkins and Hitchens and Dennett and all those heathen secular-progressives can go around spreading their atheistic filth, but if God doesn’t exist, who the hell just forgave him for that sicko but clearly once-in-a-lifetime sin?! Yeah, there’s a reason that when you study evidence in law school, it always comes back to logic. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray
7/12/07
Softball: 10:59, 10:59, 10:59….
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still four slots.
Please Note: Berkeley Parks and Rec has informed me that “a group of young children” has reserved the field for some kind of weirdo toddler birthday party starting at 1PM. In fact, I believe with every fiber of my being that if we had to, we could take them on, retain control of our homeland and drive them off with few if any casualties on our side.
However, and as much as it pains me to admit this, such actions would not be considered “ethical.” Therefore, we will probably need to finish up shortly after 1PM, which means that I expect every one of you to get to Codornices by 10:59. As you know, 10:59 is just like 11:16, except that it’s actually 17 minutes earlier.
$3 for the field/Blessed are the punctual….Ray 845-7552