6/30/04
Softball: The Problem with Byrds
Dear People,
Mike Davey’s team barely held off my own, 26-10, but that’s totally not germane to anything relevant, and frankly, your obsession with "the score" is just a tad on the prurient side. In any case, the true disgrace of the day was seen in the fact that for the first time in over three years, there was not a single female player on that field. In theory, of course, women hold up half the aerobic sky, but the sad reality is that for this last game, I personally counted 19 peni and 39 testes, yet sadly, not a single cervix.
Still, let’s not kid ourselves; The general tenor of play was quite manly, yet light and joyous, and few seemed to notice anything problematic. Indeed, the level of bickering was actually a bit less than normal, and even the number of catfights was reduced by at least 10%. So yeah, the Ovarian peoples of our community have utterly failed as a gender, and while we’d love to have them back, we’re not going to grovel. That’s simply not what we do.
Having said that, though, I was tempted to not even organize a game this week, for the bitter truth is that when half our potential roster shows such a sweeping display of athletic indifference, it makes me feel unclean. In addition, and as some of you may know, this upcoming Sunday is the 228th anniversary of the birth of the signing of the Declaration of Independence (give or take a month). So really, why even bother? But then I started thinking about what I wrote all of you just seven years ago, and while I’m obviously not going to start shamelessly quoting myself, I do think it’s worth considering what I actually did say:
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As the 4th approaches, I am reminded of the intense pressures that Jefferson, Adams and Franklin must have felt when they decided to pen that most momentous of definitive divorces, their very lives at stake as cunning little fish-and-chips eating British troops scampered throughout the Pennsylvania bush. These intrepid and indefatigable revolutionaries would have no doubt given anything to play an exciting game of softball, but stuck as they were in the 18th century, they had to settle for yeoman farming and really boring arguments about the nature of mercantilism. I think you see my point. Make that commit. Do it for the children. Do it now. Indeed, the line from Alexander Hamilton to Jackie Robinson to all of you is the very essence of the American experience....
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The point is that it’s now seven years later, and while our community continues to struggle with an annoying lack of feminine fervor, I think it’s quite obvious what Martha Washington, Dolly Madison and some of the other great Colonial Babes would have done in my situation. Yeah, I think they would have tried again and demanded better of their own, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
PS: I’m too swamped to organize a barbecue, but if enough people express an interest, I might put together a tiny little post-game bring-your-own brown paperbag picnic (especially if there are some volunteers who’d bring blankets to lie on and/or coolers with ice).
7/2/04
Softball: Covered
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now, there are still TWO slots left. In addition, there will be a mellow 4th-of-July bring-your-own-sandwich-or-equivalent post-game quasi-picnic. A couple people have agreed to bring blankets and/or a cooler with ice, but since you can never have too much of either, everyone is welcome to bring some more of those, as well as perhaps some extra soda, chips or whatever, if your heart so desires.
Regardless, this week’s field fee is $2, but that includes a complimentary $500,000 insurance policy, specifically underwritten to protect you and yours against all financial losses related to snake-bite, securities fraud or hurricane during the entire duration of the game…Raymond 845-7552
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