Softball: A Sudden Failure in Drivel Control
Dear People,
In one of those magically iconic pitching duals that highlights the potentially raw dominance of the hurler's unique craft, my team staved off Alan Miller's, 28-24. It was a long and grueling battle that could've gone either way, but in the end, we emerged with the most pivotal hits, including Neil Henry's staggering 6th-inning 500-foot bases-loaded blast to the richly wooded tundra of deep, deep left (or perhaps it was a line-drive up the middle-I don't really remember). The point is that I happen to keep fairly precise records on all our players, and as best I can tell, the Neilster's grand slam was the first by a sitting Dean of the Cal Graduate School of Journalism in the entire history of this league!
For a little perspective, and just to give a clarifying point of reference, Ehud smashed his own grand slam in 2004, but he's merely the “Head” of the Department of Biophysics, which quite frankly, does not even encompass the Liver or Spleen of that particular academic unit. And come to think of it, the Huud's legendary hit was actually a 2-RBI triple. Still, I suspect few of you would fault me for wanting to consistently chronicle those rarified instances in which an aerobic giant amongst us is able to attain the pinnacles of excellence in two disparate fields of human endeavor, even if they didn't.
Of course, my team had other heroic performances, including Celine's community debut a mere 24 hours after arriving in the United States for her very first journey across the Atlantic. Although this promising French athlete had no opportunity to learn the rules of our wondrous American pastime, she soon blasted a two-foot grounder down the left field line, and thanks in part to Alan's panicked overthrow, she quickly chalked up the first double of her young and froggy life! Oh sure, she was a tad befuddled after reaching first and would've clearly darted straight into deep right field had I not decided to scamper along side her on the proper path to second. Still, I happen to believe that deep in those Lille-raised bones lies a compelling Franco-American blend of nothing less than DeGaulle, DiMaggio and DeKickass.
The point is that this upcoming holiday weekend marks the 235th anniversary of our national birthage, and thus I wasn't going to bother organizing a game since many of you will be heading toward some stupid national park, where you'll no doubt frolic with the local hagfish, saki monkeys and other hideous beasts. Fine, but I would gently remind you that Celine's New World triumph is an appropriately timed reminder that without the French navy, there would be no United States, and while I guess it's OK to go off to Yosemite and diss both our country and hers, I'd like to think we could do better. Indeed, while I'm obviously not going to quote myself verbatim, I would gently remind you of what I first wrote back in July 1997, way before it was trendy to wallow in the liberty-lovin' glory of our Founding Dudes…
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As the 4th approaches, I am reminded of the intense pressures that Jefferson, Adams and Franklin must have felt when they decided to pen that most momentous of definitive divorces, their very lives at stake as cunning little fish-and-chips eating British troops scampered throughout the Pennsylvania bush. These intrepid and indefatigable revolutionaries would have no doubt given anything to play an exciting game of softball, but stuck as they were in the 18th century, they had to settle for yeoman farming and really boring arguments about the nature of mercantilism. I think you see my point. Make that commit. Do it for the children. Do it now. Indeed, the line from Alexander Hamilton to Jackie Robinson to all of you is the very essence of the American experience.
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Truth be told, I still get teary-eyed when I read that, perhaps because I know that at the end of the day, most of you will make the right choice between playing this nation's greatest sport on the eve of the 4th, and hanging out with a bunch of secular leftist America-hating hagfish. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond
7/1/11
Softball: Spoiled
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still four slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes valet parking, complimentary corkage and, thanks to my own skilled hands, a lovingly administered session of post-match auricular acupuncture…Raymond 845-7552