Softball: Scalia (A Modestly Cynical Post-VRA Pre-Prop-8 Mini-Rant on my Favorite Jurist of Principle)
Dear People,
On a dark, drizzly and dreary summer day that had the macabre feel of Reykjavik in the nadir of its hibernal despair, my team rallied to crush Michael Davey's on the last hit of the game, 21-20. Or perhaps 21-20* (Or even 41-pi; Who really knows?). What remains clear is that with one on, one out and the score tied at 20 in the bottom of the 9th, I sliced a sharp line drive to 3rd that brutally bounced off Saadia's perfectly innocent ankle. And with that, their star infielder was suddenly on the bench, they had no rotator in tow and our game-winning run was just 60 feet from home, drooling hungrily in the eerie Nordic-like mist. Yeah, an agitated rutting yak brayed fitfully in the distance.
In brief, we were facing a quasi-constitutional crisis in aerobic integrity when Mikey invoked a rarely used rule that allows for the impressment of an oppositional same-position fielder in certain delicate circumstances (such as when the invoking team is about to go down in flames). The upshot is that Anthony, yes, Anthony, suddenly found himself playing 3rd for the enemy after nine honorable innings on my side, and in all candor, I could tell from looking deep into his gorgeous baby-blue corneas that he himself was confused, frightened and utterly torn between the pride of fulfilling a communal organizational imperative and the guilt of being the treacherous tart-for-hire that he now irrefutably was.
For the record, I believe it was this cognitive cauldron of deeply conflicted emotions that tore the Antman's aerobic id asunder, and that's why he bobbled Jim's game-ending hopper that had bounced straight into his normally sturdy bosom. Still, I have no doubt that his efforts were in unimpeachable good faith, and thus if we're going to question the purity of our triumph with an asterisk, let's at least be clear that this scarlet symbol reflects nothing less than our probity as an entire people. Indeed, it's not Anthony's fault that we invoke, skirt, and flip our rules with such random promiscuity, as clearly seen by the following:
1-From now on, all pinch-runners starting from the plate must begin directly behind the catcher, and
2-A runner has safely scored so long as they touch the ground, on or past the baseline plane, before the ball arrives at home.
These new rules were promulgated within minutes of last week's unsightly denouement by a feisty yet clear majority of the recreational polis. Still, the fact that #2 explicitly reverses a law we had just adopted three weeks earlier only adds to the appearance of a league in random and apoplectic drift, and if anybody gets that, it's certainly Anthony. Nevertheless, and just to be clear: While I may vehemently disagree with the radical tenor of these and other rules that we have democratically enacted, I will always accede to the will of the people so long as it's within the original intent of softball's founding fathers.
Indeed, like the most towering intellect of today's 'conservative' Court majority, I simply will not issue fiats or dissenting opinions that indulge in the untethered conceit of rank judicial activism (with the possible exception of voting rights, campaign finance, medicinal marijuana, immigration jurisdiction, gun control, assisted suicide, consular relations, shareholder redress and a few dozen other areas where he just ain't down with the law in question). And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning. . .Raymond
6/28/13
Softball: The SCOTUS Punt
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still five slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which, as always, includes your fundamental right to a walk on five balls, unless, of course, you come from one of those 35 states where such walks are banned. . . Raymond 845-7552
PS: I'm going to be in Hong Kong and China from July 2nd to 13th, partying with Wendy's parents and her 2,000 cousins. However, there absolutely will be a game next week, and that game will be organized by Chris Fure. Courage. . .
PPS: The Canine Purpose of Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cVg2QEYtdIM
PPPS: A Rare Cinematic Exploration of Ambiguity in Chomskyan Deep Grammar:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOmD-xqK2Es