Chris Fure's team savaged Anthony's 17-10, and while it was an honorable if somewhat listless match, it still left me with the lingering unease of a person who had just witnessed a gnawing travesty of athletic injustice. I refer you first to Jonny, who had a real chance to shine on his last game before returning to Melbourne, for the pain in his upper left buttock had pharmaceutically mellowed in the days prior. Nevertheless, his hitting was turgid and uninspired while his fielding at 2nd was an error-riddled disgrace, and yet because he happened to be on Chris' side, he was able to fly out that night in a tawdry state of shameless tush-coddled triumph. Outrageous.
Meanwhile, Lora was stuck on the Antman's side, which was particularly painful to watch since she played some of the finest ball that this community has ever seen. She got on base every time, and while her hitting was robust and confident, it was her dominating performance at 1st that redefined the very limits of defensive prowess; Yeah, she played the right field line as if she were a nuclear-powered Hoover, and in so doing, she shut down at least five blistering line drives toward the right-field line! She was, to be sure, the burgeoning yin to Jonny's feckless yang, and in that painful juxtaposition, we see nothing less than the insidious decoupling of merit, incentive and result. I'll seek a solution.
Of course none of that is important now, because I'm once again trapped in the dank and dreary Seattle basement of my sister's excuse-for-a-house. As per her callous dictates, I'm currently revising the post-ovulatory Peak + 4 Cervical Fluid Rule, which as you certainly know, is the most renowned and squeamish-producing bulwark of Fertility Awareness itself. Toni now insists that we can make it Peak + 3, which will not only harmonize it with the Thermal Shift Rule (its confirmatory cousin), but will do so without the slightest compromise of contraceptive efficacy! Needless to say, this is a transformative tweak of rarefied symmetrical beauty that will assure many of our readers another full day of worry-free luteal-phase whoopee, and yet as one who has organized a 17-year game whose very foundations rest on the stability of its venerable rules, I fully confess that my participation in this adjustment makes feel like the clipped and cynical tart that I undoubtedly am.
Indeed, just a few minutes ago I asked good' ol Sib-nose if she'd feel a tad tawdry herself if I told her to write up a new rule for our own community, in which the number of strikes needed for a strike-out would be upped from 3 to 5. I could tell that she started to feel clammy as I enthused how the number of strikes and balls would be “harmonized,” and how batters would now have two extra opportunities to swing for the yak-laden tundra beyond deep center-right, and in so doing, without the slightest compromise in contraceptive efficacy! She was clearly shaken to the core, perhaps because neither of us knew what I was actually trying to say (or perhaps simply because I was drooling), but the point had been made, and made hard, and therefore there will be a game at Codronices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning and I can get the fuck out of here in time.
Please save me . . . Raymond
6/28/14
Softball: Help
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still, shamefully, 8 slots left. You are therefore welcome to commit any non-community people you know-including friends, extended family and embittered ex-lovers-so long as they can accept our values of robust aerobic release in an inclusive, bicker-free setting.
I myself remain enslaved in the research dungeon of my sister's Seattle abode, and while writing 16 hours a day has rendered me weary, wary and clinically meshuge, I remain hopeful that I'm lucid enough to pull off my escape.
$4 for the field/See ya Sunday, God willing…Ray
6/30/14
Softball: Saturday 7:03PM: Spartacus of Labia
Cherished People,
It's with a heavy heart that I must tell you that I remain enslaved in my sister's Seattle research dungeon and will therefore not be able to make it to the game tomorrow. Yet no need to panic, since Chris Fure will be there with both the necessary equipment and a staggering organizational sagacity that will render my absence utterly irrelevant.
Regardless, I miss you all more than life itself and promise to be back next week, even if it means I must resort to sibicide. Courage…Raymond
PS: Chris' number is 225-8585 and as of now there are still three slots left!
PPS: Do not be frightened by the unusually high number of new and cherubic faces; We're an inclusive folk by both birth and temperament, and that's especially true when half the regulars are out of town and I'm stuck corralling from the pit of hell.
PPPS: The Nature of my Oppression: 20th anniversary 4th edition, coming out early next year….
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404002964&sr=1-1&keywords=taking+charge+of+your+fertility