6/20/00
Softball: Short
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s breathtaking 18-16 explosion of instantaneously transmogrified athletic zeitgeist. Indeed, in all my decades of recreational endeavor, I had never looked so frightfully deep into the miasmic pit of utter despair as I did this last game, specifically when my own team slogged their way off the field at the end of the 6th inning, a gaping 15-2 chasm of shame beginning to marinate and sear into our very bones. And yet suddenly an inexplicable kernel of hope seemed to sprout in our communal bosom, and then, and in ways that I do not pretend to understand, the spirit of the infracaniophilic Lord led us to 16 straight runs, splaying wide open the encrusted injustices of destiny presumed!
In any case, and as most of you probably know, this Saturday, June 24th, is the 75th anniversary of the birth of Eddie "swings at nothing" Gaedel, the legendary 3’ 7", 65 pound giant of the St. Louis Browns, whose entire professional career consisted of taking four balls in a row from Detroit Tigers southpaw Bob "killer" Cain, in the bottom of the 8th with two on, on August 19th, 1951. Although the Browns and Tigers were battling for last place in their division, witnesses later recalled that the tension at Busch stadium was nothing short of electric as Eddie approached the plate. Indeed, the normally unflappable Cain was visibly flustered by Gaedel’s 14" bat and his incessantly shouted taunts like "Come on ya bastard, throw it here and I’ll moider it." In reality of course, Eddie was under strict orders to keep his arms frozen, and in fact, as soon he got the walk, he was replaced by pinch-runner Jimmy Delsing, who later reached home as the game winning run. Tragically, the ‘lil guy would die just 10 years later, having never again returned to home plate, in part because of scurrilous criticism from altitudinally insensate voices throughout professional baseball.
Well, it’s nearly half a century later, and I for one believe it’s time to take a fresh look at this towering force of sassy pint-size aerobicism. For one thing, Eddie remains to this day as the only pinch-hitter in the history of the game to have gotten on base every time he was at bat (all one of them). Yet more importantly, his legend has continued to grow in the years since his passing, and thus today, he is a potent source of inspirational fuel for midget studs the world over. Therefore, and in honor of his 75th, there will be a game at Codornices this Saturday at 5pm, IF I get enough players by this Friday morning.
So go ahead, and make that commit; This time, do it for little Eddie Gaebel, whose uncanny ability to stand still and hold a bat while simultaneously spewing invectives remains a powerful reminder of the increasing value of highly specialized athletic skill sets….Raymond
6/23/00
Softball: Sundry News of Vital Import
Dear People,
There will be a game tomorrow at Codornices at 5pm, and as of now, there are still three slots left. Please bring $1 for the field, which this week includes ample free parking, a garden salad with a delightful fresh dill dressing, and remarkably, a complimentary three year HB-1 visa, fully transferable to the alien of your choice!….Raymond
PS: Somebody left a mitt at the last game with the words "top grain leather" embossed on it. Frankly, I believe I could greatly benefit from the introduction of such high quality rawhide toys into the more lurid moments of my private life, and yet I am still willing to relinquish it to the rightful owner.
PPS: I am looking for a Berkeley area sublease situation for my cherished brother who lives in Japan, but who will be here from July 12th to July 26th, with his wife and two kids (ages six and one, and thus well outside that "terrible twos" period which causes so much consternation and grief). I can personally vouch for all of them, for as a family they are the very essence of kindness and responsibility, and thus if you know of any Berkeley area apartment or house that would otherwise be empty during that period, you will be treated as a familial hero if you call me and it works out. 845-7552
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