Softball: A Tale of Two Temporal Directions
Dear People,
In a convulsive aerobic rollercoaster of doubly-dashed hopes, Chris Fure's team brutally beat back my own, 23-20. For the record, we plunged into an immediate 8-error 1st-inning 10-0 abyss, and while it pained me to no end, I had no choice but to concede that this instantaneous collapse was reflective of a grievous miscalculation of the original rosters on my part-To wit, my initial contingent incorrigibly sucked, and thus by shameless dictatorial fiat, I ordered this league's first team-kiltering trade in over three years. Sure, it felt both abusive and tawdry, but I for one will never apologize for assuring the aesthetic integrity of these ceaselessly troubled games.
The pre-2nd-inning trade in question brought us the great Paul Horsepool and two future draft picks in exchange for Alva's son Ulysses, and at first, the tweakage worked well. In fact, by the top of the 6th we had tied the score at 11, but then we tragically collapsed again, and this time our 11-run 8th-inning deficit was just too much to make up. In retrospect, I should've gone with my gut by keeping Ulysses and dumping Jonny, for it's now clear that these two compelling figures were the key to the fate of their respective teams.
Indeed, the Ulyssinator was making his community debut at just 10 years old, and yet his mastery of the game left my own side shell-shocked and tremulous. He went a staggering four for five and played flawlessly behind the plate, and in so doing, he led his new peeps forward with nothing less than the pre-pubescent moxie of a burgeoning superstar in the prime of its own making. Jonny, on the other hand, was more like a listless old grazing goat grown jejune from the decades, and sure enough, he was arguably responsible for 6 of their 8 game-winning runs in the bottom of the 7th.
The fact is that he let both Maya and Jay blast playable multibase hits just over his discombobulated little head, but then it finally appeared that redemption was his for the taking as he charged Stephano's genteel two-out pop up to shallow center-right. Alas, though, our hero's stentorian screams of 'mine!' turned out to be all hat and no cattle, and as the ball plunged pointlessly behind his flailing right arm, I couldn't help notice that Ulysses was giggling from the bench; Yeah, there was irony in his delight, and I think we all get that.
Later, of course, Jonny would bitterly complain that he was still suffering from a strained gluteus minimums in his upper 41-year old left buttock, and thus none of this was really his fault. Now admittedly, 'fault' is an exceptionally nuanced concept in the grand interplay of complex human affairs, and yet I couldn't help but notice that Ulysses himself never went around whining about the fact that he had never played softball or didn't really know all our rules or, for that matter, that he had never been immersed in a veritable community of nutjobs before; The kid simply knew he had a job to do and he went out and did it with both focus and aplomb, and just between you and me, perhaps good 'ol tender-tush could learn from that.
The point is that it would be easy to overplay the metaphorical juxtaposition of these two towering and divergent symbols of our league in a time of transition, but I'm simply not going to do that. Still, I suspect it goes without saying that in Ulysses we can all see a future so aerobically bright that ya gotta wear shades, while in Jonny we see nothing but the bittersweet remnants of a past now receding-glorious in its day, to be sure, but increasingly irrelevant and feckless to the bone. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning . . . Raymond
PS: Do you have an insatiable craving to know what every major league baseball player is currently making per year, per game and per inning? Well, now you can (!), because our very own Jonny 'tender tush' Sagorin has just released the newest version of his close-to-zero-selling masterpiece of an app, Baseball Coin 2014!! . . .
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/baseball-coin-2014-baseball/id530112507?mt=8
A Modest PPS Hard-Sale: Just for the record, I happen to know that TT spent about 53 hours coding this useless thing, and last year he sold about 26 copies at 99 cents each, thereby accounting for his somewhat subdued salary of 47 cents an hour. At this rate, I believe it would take him 35,000 years to make what Derek Jeter makes in a single game. Is that what you want for one of our own?! No, I didn't think so, and thus I would suggest you take a serious second look. . .
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/baseball-coin-2014-baseball/id530112507?mt=8
6/13/14
Softball: The Grand Salons of Malibu, Take 2
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still five slots left.
Please bring $4 for the field, which for this week only includes a post-match goji berry facial with extra bioflavonoids and seaweed for that radically youthful allure . . . Raymond 845-7552