6/8/05
Softball: A Tale of Two Speeds
Dear People,
My team held off Jonny’s, 10-6, but in fairness, that’s not what this about (I mean, how many times can I write that this poor sod’s captainship was uninspired, listless and jejune without sabotaging what little aerobic authority he has left?) In any case, I’d like to deviate from my usual drivel by demonstrating how last week’s game was a truly inspiring reminder of the deeply nuanced interplay between motion, logic and sport, which as many of you know, is my personal favorite of the great trilateral nexi.
If you’d be so kind, allow me to set the scene; Josh came to bat in the top of the 8th with one out, one on, and his team trailing 9-5 (nothing unexpected there—his captain, after all, was Jonny). Yet as he took the plate, I could see that he was determined to launch a ferocious game-winning rally, and sure enough, on his first swing, he smashed a line drive so deep into center left field that I actually wondered if we’d ever see that ball again. Yes, the rally I dreaded had begun, and as Josh blasted toward first, Dave K darted for second, both our heroes now streaking ’round those bases like a leading edge of the wind itself.
OK, that’s not totally accurate, and in fact, let’s be blunt; Dave K isnot the fastest basset hound in the pride. Still, the sheer celerity with which Josh closed in on his cherished team mate was simply shocking, for as they both bolted toward 3rd, Josh continued to halve the distance between the two of them, threatening the very mathematical foundations upon which Zeno’s ancient dumb-ass paradox had thrived for 2,500 years!
I suppose that as one of those pretentious ancient Greeks, Zeno wouldn’t really "understand" why Josh felt so threatened by the sudden reappearance of the softball from the deep San Pablo tundra, and thus why he felt so obliged to blast right through that last halved zone of inner space between him and his athletic comrade. Regardless, as they both staggered down the 3rd base line, Josh found himself in a strained and curious rutting motion directly on top of Dave’s rumpside, and truth be told, it was one of the most pathetic sights I’ve ever seen in sport.
Still, good ’ol Joshie maintained his adrenal composure, and thus in one last gambit to beat the ball, he lovingly shoved Dave right past the home plate line. Ironically, Dave did in fact make it by a nanosecond, but Josh was called out, crushing their rally, their dreams, and ultimately, the last best chance they would have all game. Pity.
In retrospect, I suppose you could say that Jonny’s team lost because Dave was "a good athletic metaphor for the pace of Darwinian evolution" or because he had "some interesting afterburner issues" or because he was not really "fleet of leg." Maybe, maybe not. But just for the record, these kinds of things are relative, and the fact is that if Nanci had been at first, this Newtonian train wreck would have happened just like described, except that it would’ve probably occurred half way between 1st and 2nd (and that’s with Dave as the batter!). So yeah, lineups are risk, life is harsh and you simply can’t teach the noble how to be swift, but in the end, rich is the lesson that proves Zeno was a dufus. And therefore there will be a game at CODORNICES (which is like San Pablo except that it isn’t), this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
6/10/05
Softball: Those ‘Liberal’ Wags of the Court
Dear People,
There will be a game at CODORNICES this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still four slots left.
This week’s field fee is just $2, and that includes a big phatt doobie of medicinal weed, lovingly harvested in spite of the Commerce Clause…Raymond 845-7552
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