6/1/99
Softball: Land and Hormones (ie..."Hosed Again")
Dear People,
The pernicious sting of virulent softball-hating intolerance has once again struck from deep within the innards of UC's Recreational Sports Facility. While attempting to sign up for Kleeberger, our verdant rubber-sheathed de facto homeland, I was informed that it would no longer be reservable for the next couple months so that space could be guaranteed for various UC Berkeley athletic events and UC Kid's Summer camp (as if children had feelings or desires worthy of consideration). Frankly, the brazen insensitivity with which the Man wields his unchecked power never ceases to amaze me. Nevertheless, the simple reality is that we will persevere, as we have for the last 2,000 years of aerobic Diaspora, by seeking out those city parks and other tundra where we are not despised simply because we swing bats, wear odd leathered glovings, and spastically run around diamond shaped markings in puzzling rituals that admittedly suggest hard evidence of a deeply dysfunctional community.
That being said, I would like to first offer congratz to all on last week's spine-tingling 14-12 manifestation of mesmerizing recreational pulchritude. Yet again, the raw sensuality of the game's spectacular ninth inning denouement evoked the delicate brush strokes of Manet's early blue period, and yet ultimately it was only a softball game, as plebeian and coarse as the mysterious people who so inexplicably agree to play it. Yes, deep are the ironies of life's rich pageant.
And speaking of the unrefined, it turns out that this Sunday is the 95th birthday of the legendary Braves pitcher Burleigh "'stubblebeard" Grimes. As you can imagine, this legendary Southpaw was the target of many a disparaging comment, what with the cherubic faces of Ruth and Gehrig dominating his era. But frankly, while the hairless Babe may have hit a lot of homeruns, I think 'ol stubbie was a more manly roll model, if for no other reason than his adoring fans could be damn certain that copious amounts of testosterone coursed through his tiny little veins. And I for one believe that it's time to honor those who were straight with their public. Therefore, there will be a game this SUNDAY, June 6 at 5PM on the lush organic grazing grasses of beautiful Cordonices Park, IF I get enough commits by this Friday Noon. So make that commit; Do it for Burleigh "stubblebeard" Grimes, whose fearsome pitching and honest cheeks were the talk of the majors a full half century before Yassir Arafat perfected the latter....Raymond
PS: The reservation fee is $2 per player, but as usual, this includes ample free parking and a complimentary pine cone from Codornice's majestic marijuana seeding groves.
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