5/30/00
Softball: The Sacred Confluence of Time and Sport
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s 22-7 blow out of salubrious mirth, searing aerobicism and suggestively frisky contention. Do not let the score mislead you, for this game was as competitive as any I have played this year, at least through the first out in the top of the 8th, when, for some reason, my own team began its rapid plunge from 11-7 respectability into the shame-laden pit of Basal Ganglia fielder’s rot, that curious physiological condition in which overall defensive competence is suddenly replaced by a team-wide incapacity to focus, pitch, catch, or even throw, although in fairness, I did notice that we remained encouragingly consistent in our ability to drool.
In any case, and as some of you may have noticed in yesterday’s New York Times, renowned physicists in various American universities have been conducting experiments in which, among other things, a pulse of light is made to pass through a transparent chamber filled with specially prepared cesium gas at up to 300 times the speed of light! This is so fast, the article tells us, that aside from brazenly dissing the most basic tenets of general relativity, it actually means that "the main part of the pulse exits the chamber even before it enters it."
Admittedly, my grasp of advanced theoretical quantum mechanics is somewhat rusty, but I am still convinced with every fiber of my being that if this technology is ever commercially harnessed, the impact on unaffiliated email organized softball will be both swift and pernicious. No, I do not believe we can stand idly by and allow batters to read light pulses which curve back on themselves at speeds of up to 300c in order so that they can know the type of pitch that will cross the plate before it is even thrown. No thank you. Such a situation would make a mockery of the game itself, and I for one will not stand for it.
Therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this SUNDAY, June 4th, at 5pm, IF I get enough players by this Friday morning. So go ahead and make that commit; Do it as a way of telling the world that this time the man has gone too far, and that when it comes to softball,
we as a people will only play in the noble space-time continuum of the pre-creepy Einsteinian past…..Ray
6/1/00
Softball: 1765
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 5:00, and as of now, there are still a couple slots left.
Please bring $1 for the field, which I fully concede is a deeply disturbing reminder of the state’s brutal confiscatory powers….Raymond
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