5/28/03

Softball: Cowardice (The Subtle Craft of Circuitous Excuse)

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s feral and revelatory 19-13 pre-feast display of comparative aerobic fervor. I refer you specifically to Frank, whose willingness to dart between bases while consistently diving belly-first into the dust-strewn soils of an aborted pickle are in stark contrast to my own somewhat more reserved approach. Indeed, the fact is that by the time I blasted my 7th inning triple-turned-pickoff to deep center left, I had already seen the Franker flail about like a pitiful beached whale at least three times that game.

Given all this, perhaps some of you were wondering why I choose to run straight into Keith’s evil and outstretched glove, when I could have so easily beat the tag by sliding into the cherished safety of that 3rd base sanctuary. Specifically, and in light of the fact that my team was trailing by five, perhaps it’s fair to ask why I wasn’t "more like Frank," or as one restless subordinate put it, "Ray, why are you such a pussy?"

Look, I am perfectly "capable" of sliding with the best of them, but the simple fact is that my leg skinnage is very sensitive, and yes, it’s more alluringly flaxen and gorgeous than the equivalent skinning of just about any other scrotum-bearing player in our entire community. I don’t write that to boast, but merely to point out that when Frank or Ira or whoever flays the outer dermis right off their tiny little shins, their loss is only measured in the physical agony of the moment (bummer that it is), whereas I risk both unbearable pain AND an incalculable loss of grave aesthetic consequence.

I guess that’s why some of my more sensitive teammates have always offered tacit support for my policy. They know that my gams will only thrive on the nurturing emollient of lotion and love, but that when forced into the harsh Newtonian world of scouring friction on dirt, they will wither and rot like desperately parched stalks of neglected Iowa corn, and I think we can all agree that no team could ever hope to win whose captain is derisively called "Corn Boy." Yeah, I think you see my point, and therefore there will be a game at Codroncies this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Raymond



5/30/03

Softball: Greenspan

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, but as of now, there are no longer any slots left. As always, feel free to contact me for late cancels (and for those players who need to bail, please always let me know asap).

This week’s field fee is still $2, but in light of the harsh deflationary winds that now play havoc with our lives, I would accept $1.99 if payment did not include pennies…Raymond 845-7552

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