5/14/08

Softball: Mothers and Sons (and Captains)

Dear People,

Jonny’s team stunned my own, 10-9, in what was arguably the most inspirational Mother’s Day game in the history of ball-based sport. Now admittedly, you may think that such a sweeping claim is just aerobic hyperbole, and yet, my friends, you weren’t there (unless, perhaps, you were). The point is that as somebody whose always deeply yearned to be a mother himself, I can tell you that the final denouement of this utterly sublime match still leaves me shaken by the raw beauty of the familial bond. If you’d be so kind, allow me to continue.

Under his typically feckless leadership, Jonny’s side had been sluggish throughout much of the game. Even worse, he bitterly complained that his team was at a disadvantage merely because he had Enid and both of her sons---McCabe, a burgeoning adolescent of 13, and Grady, a frisky pre-pubescent youth of nine. Frankly, I thought his gripes were totally unjustified, for I had matched each child against adult players on my own side with the most precise team-balancing software currently on the market (Studscale 2.0, from Royal Typewriter).

In any case, as my team nursed a fragile 9-9 lead in the bottom of the 9th, Enid herself blasted a sultry one-out single to left. Deb immediately followed suit, and then McCabe smashed a ferocious line-drive past second, thereby loading the bases! Suddenly, l’il Grady Camps walked fearlessly up to the plate, his childish little eyeballs now carefully scanning the field. Everyone knew the stakes as tensions began to soar and time itself froze. As if on cue, a red-breasted rutting crow suddenly chirped in the distance.

Ehud seemed a bit rattled on the mound, but then, as Enid beamed with pride from 3rd, the Huud calmly tossed a rare Estonian knuckleball to the inside corner. Grady took a deep breath, awaited his arcing orb of destiny, and then promptly whacked a blistering fly ball right over short! Yes, the Gradyator had batted in his very own mom as the game-winning run, giving her what must have been the most poignant Mother’s Day present since Oedipus wed Jocasta, all those years ago.

When it was over, I went up to congratulate Grady on his incredible performance (he had also been a stellar catcher), and I gently confessed that his own captain had actually lacked faith in him. “Look,” the kid told me with a certain analytical maturity beyond his nine years, “Jonny’s not a bad lad. It’s just that after a decade in the States, he’s still a floundering existential wreck who just doesn’t understand the game.” Yeah, his words were direct, stark and clearly unvarnished, but I for one will not fault the innocent for speaking cold, hard truth. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray

5/16/08

Softball: Opening the Gates

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are, curiously, seven slots still left. You are therefore welcome to commit any non-community people you know, including friends, acquaintences, nutso distant relatives and embittered ex-lovers.

This week’s field fee is just $3, and that includes a full magnum of Château de Beaucastel (1995)*….. Ray 845-7552

*please allow 10 minutes for chilling.

PS: If you’re reading this, you may have recently received some supicious looking email from reunion.com in my name. With apologies if this warning is too late, do not open it or follow the link, since it is an insidioulsy dissemninated piece of digital syhillis.

PPS:

i) As some of you may know, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most manipulative, disingenuous, bombastic assholes in America. But in all candor, I had no idea he had anger control issues….

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GEMdmSA9_jo

ii) My favorite SNL, so far, of 2008:

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/play.shtml?mea=229477

iii) My Generation:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tNH633LZUng

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