Softball: The Case for Callous Umpires
Dear People,
Chris Fure’s team rallied late to beat my own, 19-15*, but for the record, that asterisk behind the score is about the size of a large industrial cantaloupe. The uncontested reality is that my side was nursing a robust 14-13 lead in the top of the 9th with two on and one out when Kira snagged a blazing grounder straight up the middle. Alas, the throw to first darted straight past my eyeballs and on to the bleachers beyond, where it ricocheted off the base of the bottom step—yes, the one part of the bleachers that is still considered in play.
Fortunately, my immediate throw to second beat Alan Miller by .05 seconds, yet the Millinator instantly looked up with those gorgeously forlorn brown corneas and solemnly announced that he had “slowed down” because he had heard someone shout that the ball had gone out of play. Needless to say, I should have ruled right then and there that his mistaken assumptions were a towering cauldron of staggering irrelevance, but for some stupid reason, my bleeding heart nearly cleaved apart in sympathy.
Thus, in a dubious compromise of nearly incalculable consequence, Alan was merely sent back to first. Then, just one out, a walk and two minutes later, Captain Chris drove him and two others all the way home, in a sublime game-winning grand slam that redefined the very essence of manager-player leadership. I still get chills thinking about the ducks on that pond, and honestly, I don’t think there’s any point in saying that if true recreational righteousness had prevailed, Chris’ team would’ve crashed and burned before he ever got to the plate. Oh sure, perhaps that’s technically accurate, but the fact is that events move fast, hearts will break and the world moves on, and therefore, despite the utter injustice of it all, there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Ray
4/26/07
Softball: Fine Theatre, Great Gardens and Awesome Menstrual Lit!!
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still four slots left. Please bring $3 for the field, because the best things in life are brutally expensive, and there’s just no point in pretending otherwise.
What follows are a few announcements of import to the community:
1) A gentle reminder: On Sunday June 10th, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary with a double-header pot-luck barbecue. Jen and Mikie, our moral backbones from 1997 until 2001, are flying in from Louisville, which means those other former regulars who now live in equally distant and ridiculous locales have no excuse. More details in the weeks ahead…
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2) Speaking of community history, Eugene de Christopher was a dominant presence on the field during the post-Jen transitional phase, from about March 2002 to, uh, later in March 2002. Actually I don’t remember the dates and I barely remember him, but the point is that even though there is no higher drama than unaffiliated email-organized softball, from what I can tell, the Eugenator is offering an El-Cerrito-based show that comes shockingly close…
"Dear Softball Community,
Ray has graciously allowed me to plug "A Streetcar Named Desire" by Tennessee Williams now playing at the Contra Costa Community Theater in El Cerrito (www.ccct.org) (Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. through May 12. 2 p.m. matinees Sundays April 29 and May 6.) It is arguably one of the greatest American plays of the 20th century.
I don't typically make this type of appeal but I feel so passionate about this production that I'm breaking with my normal restraint and asking you to come see the show. You won't be disappointed.
Claire Nail, who plays Blanche DuBoise, is as good as it gets in theater. Her performance is breathtaking. My friend Rod O'Neal, who knows theater, said, "This is the best production of 'Streetcar' I've ever seen and I've seen a lot. In fact, this is one of the best plays I've seen, ever."
We've put our heart and soul into this production. I would love you all to come see it. And then tell your friends.
Thank you for your time. See you at the theater.
Yours truly,
Eugene de Christopher
Build manager
Contra Costa Civic Theater"
3) If anyone in the East Bay is looking for a fabulous gardener, I can highly recommend Jonathan Roghair, who just began playing with us in the last couple weeks. He totally transformed my front yard from an overgrown tundra-neglected monstrosity into a beautifully landscaped English-style garden in less than two days (and all with the plants already there!). He is truly talented, hard-working and at one with the soil, although he still needs to work on depth-perception issues when playing center-right.
In any case, he has promised me that if he gets just two referrals from this modest little notice, he will hit a double, eight triples and a homer over his next 10 at bats. He can be reached at:
(510) 374-9598 or jbroghair@hotmail.com
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4) As you’ve seen, I may occasionally use this list to give a little well-deserved publicity to those deserving folks around me, but when it comes to anything from which I can personally benefit, I will not whore myself on the alter of expedience. Having said that though, I would point out that the website http://www.cyclesavvy.com is now up and running, and thus every one of you has a moral obligation to tell every teen girl you know to immediately go there, or to at least tell every person you know who is the mother, father, sibling, aunt, uncle, doctor, friend, teacher or acquaintance of a teen girl.
More specifically, of course, they should go to the site and then eventually end up at the coolest link of all, “Buy the Book.” And for what it’s worth, the included link below is a bit dated, but more than any web-based page, I believe it captures the vital understated nexus of softball, the written word and adolescent ovulation (note the pitiful correction on top):
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/16/AR2007031602043.html
Finally: Speaking of topics tangentially related to reproduction, some people still ask me if I regret getting clipped at 23. Perhaps the following will best articulate the risks I sought to avoid:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OhGh6fEI8gY