4/20/05

Softball: A Frisky Challenge to Papal Doctrine

Dear People,

Congratz to all on last week’s breathtaking 10-inning 17-16 masterpiece of heuristic aerobic excellence. Yes, my team barely staved off Ken’s by sheer force of will, and for that, I have already cried the grateful tears of 1,000 rescued seal pups. Yet this particular game— so stark in it’s competitive intensity— had so much more to teach us than the prosaic issues of victory and defeat. Indeed, my friends, this was a match of nuanced ethereal metaphors for all of life’s rich pageant, and while you might argue that softball isn’t "about" all of that, I happen to believe that true learning doesn’t stop at the school yard’s edge. If you’d be so kind, allow me to indulge:

For the first few innings, my mind had been wandering back to the literary task at hand, which for me was completing the tediously unbearable birth control section of Cycle Savvy, the groundbreaking book for teenage girls that I’m currently finishing up with my sister. In any case, and for a little context, Toni is concerned about looking less than responsible, and thus she insists on me writing that if a teen girl is going to engage in the pre-marital nasty, she should only do so if on the pill, and then only if the vulture in question is clipped, uses a condom, and has a policy of withdrawal before the attainment of any pleasure.

Now normally I would say that’s a tad harsh, but then as I was daydreaming about these issues in the bottom of the 7th, Kiraproceeded to hit a solid but utterly stoppable line drive right past the pitcher’s mound and on to the verdant tundra beyond. Curiously though, my carefully crafted infield began to spontaneously implode, and thus as the ball rolled jauntily past second, it appeared to go through both Joel’s legs and under Elaine’s outstretched glove. Still, I wasn’t terribly concerned, for both Nanci and Robert converged from their respective center field ramparts, our destiny now assured by the excellence of their continual training in this very type of damage control.

Unfortunately, alas, Nanci appeared to charge the ball with a bit toomuch vigor, and thus ran pointlessly past it before realizing that herefforts weren’t really "helpful." This left my beloved brother Robertas the last line of defense, but for reasons I don’t pretend to
understand, he promptly fell flat on his face and into the only muddy bog on the entire field, thus assuring that Kira’s well-deserved single was now a three run homer. In all candor, it was a dark moment for my players, my familial pride, and the very notion of multiple redundancy, but in retrospect, it was also a stirring sign of semiotic transcendence; Toni was right!

Ultimately, Kira’s side was not able to capitalize on any of this, but the real point is that in blasting that ball past four honorable defenders, she essentially knocked up my team, and this despite the fact that we were metaphorically on Norplant, sterilized AND post-menopausal. Yes, my friends, if the lesson here is that randy teenage boys should always use five layers of rubber sheathing, then so be it, because I for one am willing to listen to the game of softball itself, no matter how abstract or tragic the message. And therefore
there will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 11:00AM, IF I get
enough commits by this Friday morning……Raymond


4/22/05

Softball: A Core Player in Need

Dear People,

There will be a game at San Pablo #2 this Sunday at 11AM, and of now, there are still five slots left. Please note that if it rains between now and then or weather conditions are ambiguous, you will need to check email that morning. $2 for the field, yada, blah, yada…

Extra added bonus: As some of you may know, Nanci, who is the moral backbone of our entire community, is moving her hair salon/café from 2516 San Pablo to Murray Street, just South of Ashby/San Pablo. She would be eternally grateful for volunteers to help her move her Pilates after this week’s game, and while I have no idea what a Pilate is, I can think of nothing that is more joyous to move. In any case, the bottom line is that if you help Nanci for an hour or so Sunday afternoon, she will give you a FREE HAIRCUT, which in my book is worth a pedicure, a wax and an F-1 visa combined. Volunteers with trucks would be especially cherished.

See ya Sunday….Ray (510) 845-7552

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