Softball: The Play
Dear People,
Chris Fure's team sucker-punched my own on the last hit of the game, 8-7, in one of those ghastly denouements in which the goodly forces of athletic merit are tossed into the history-mocking ashbin of a righteous triumph denied. I don't write that with malice, resentment or even the proverbial glibness of 'tude, but I do wonder if their win leaves them feeling victorially unclean. Indeed, I think we can all agree that there is something aesthetically louche about scoring the game-ending run on a no-out bases-loaded 9th-inning pop-up to short that results in an inadvertent sacrifice double-play tag-out, and if you must know, just writing those words makes me feel tawdry.
For the record, it was Mary who popped the genteel can of corn straight into Alan Shabel's mitt at short, and it was Anthony “tag-me-if-you can” Weatheroy who inexplicably took off from 2nd before said corn was caught, thereby giving the Shabelator an instantaneous catch, tag-out and zeitgeist-freezing moment de grande drame. Yet the drama had actually just begun, for by the time Alan had tagged out Anthony, Stephanie Beeby (no relation to Stephanie Kung) had taken off for home, and Alan, savoring the imminent glory of a once-in-a-lifetime triple-play, hurled the ball back to 3rd for the game-saving pick-off. Alas, though, the Beebymeister had apparently waited until Alan made his catch before darting off for her rendez-vous with destiny, and thus what was to be the third and final out was in fact the right throw to the wrong place, thus allowing Steph (no relation to Steph) to score the stunning game-ending run on a perfectly legal tag-up! Yeah, a game-winning tag-up on a pop-up to short, and if that isn't tawdry, then I don't know what.
In any case, and as you can imagine, Alan was deeply chagrined, and was soon bitterly complaining that the entire spectacle was “like playing poker with armatures.” Well, when I'm at the Oaks Club in Emeryville, I also happen to like Seven-card-stud with a twist of Texas lemon, and believe you me, I can attest to the annoyance of facing the strategically clueless. Yet chilling as it sounds, it may be that the Antman and Stephanantor were not the floundering Keystone cops that Alan assumes, but rather the most rarefied practitioners of Strategic NeuoroAerobic Deception that this community has ever witnessed.
Sure, a game-ending tag-up on a pop-up to short is not “supposed to” happen, yet I believe it was Sun Tzu himself who once wrote that there is no enemy more perilous than that which combines the apparent innocence of an armature with the merciless mental acumen of a wily viper in its prime (see Tzu, Sun, The Art of Athletic War and other Narrative Contexts in which Snakes can be used as a Despicable Allegory). I think you see where I'm going with this, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
PS: An objectively awesome depiction of your relative insignificance:
http://htwins.net/scale2/
PPS: My guess for the equally awesome source that originally inspired it:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/26022/animal-house-smoke-some-pot
4/20/12
Softball: The Mysteries of Value
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still four slots left.
This week's field fee is just $4, and that includes either a genuine Bulgari betrothment ring in 18K pink gold with black onyx and full pavé diamonds or an indistinguishable mass-produced Chinese counterfeit with authentic Casio watch parts….Raymond 845-7552