4/17/02
Softball: A Brazen Transgression Exposed
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s superb 22-21 won-on-the-last-hit masterpiece of everything that makes softball the world’s most cherished font of kinesiologic passion. Indeed, the stunning courage with which my own team overcame a crushing six run deficit in the bottom of the 9th will be forever emblazoned in the deepest recesses of my occipital lobe. Nevertheless, I must also confess that my conscience aches from the tainted ethical foundations upon which this triumph occurred, and because of the hard lessons that I learned during my Nixonian adolescence, I will not participate in an extended cover-up.
The unseemly truth is this: As my team came to bat in the bottom of the 3rd, I decided that I would very discretely switch Broh and Jen in the batting order, despite the fact that she had already gone to the plate immediately before him in the bottom of the 1st. My reasoning was that my initial lineup was a tad flawed in its potential exploitation of the respective hitters involved, in that, and to the extent that these things matter, Broh was the most fearsome power batter we had, whereas Jen’s abilities to reach base were somewhat more theoretical, abstracted or quixotic in tone. And thus, I gently whispered that I would swap their slots, and while she at first grumbled bitterly about "the implications," the change was quietly made.
Yes, we got away with it, but in the hours that followed our victory, I often broke out in a cold and clammy sweat of unbridled Hebraic guilt. Even today, I ask myself if I am cheating slime personified, and in all candor, I don’t know the answer. Still, I fully concede that at a minimum, switching the batting order in midstream is a shameless act of managerial cowardice, and thus I humbly ask you for the gentle grace of your communal forgivement.
Of course, ultimately, my team would have won no matter where I had put Jen in the lineup, and therefore, there will be a game at Codornices at 11AM, followed by a scrumptious post-game bring-your-own-meat pot-luck barbecue, IF I get enough players by this Friday noon…..Raymond
PS: When making your commit, please let me know if you’re staying for the Barbie, and if so, what kind of collective contribution you will be making. All friends, family and never-show-up lurkers on this list are also more than welcome; Suggested contributions include plastic plates, cups and silverware, paper towels, ice, chips, bread, cheese, burger garnishments, more ice, salads, organic greens, fruit salad, desserts, soft drinks, fruit juice, beer, still more ice, sundry ethnic delights and sautéed grits, goat liver and haggis.
4/17/02
Softball: Spring Rush
The enticing melange of ball, beer and haggis should never be underestimated; Sunday’s game is already full.
$2/Don’t forget your meat and communal delicacy/All welcome to Barbie/call for late cancels….Ray 845-7502
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