4/16/08

Softball: The Organizer as a Giant of Athletic Journalism

Dear People,

Since I was off in a distant and troubled land enjoying a soothing family reunion, I have nothing to say about last week’s game. However, Chris Fure has sent me a somewhat detailed summary of the day’s events, which I have taken the liberty of publishing below.

My guess is that history has been distorted, innocents defamed and vital facts expunged, and yet, as best as I can tell from this magnificent paragon of aerobic reportage, there was no coup launched against me in the wake of my absence. And therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning….Ray

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PS: “Pivotal” by Chris Fure (the Furinator himself),
Raw, Sassy and Arced….


In a balancing act that even rivals one of the best high wire routines by the Great Raymon, Chris Fure divied-up the players in such a way that produced 3 tied innings (4 if you count the start of the game) in a see-saw battle that ended on a Wavy Davey sacrifice fly in the bottom of the 9th. Thus, the Fure’s Fartheads (Johnny’s term) upset the heavily favored Johnny’s Joy Sticks (Fure’s term): 18-17. When asked for a comment on his team’s performance, Johnny Love replied: “I think Michael Tucker’s performance was pivotal.”

Tucker did in fact have a memorable game: he replaced the Ken of Men who tweaked his back in a tragic Pilates accident – which is to say he accidentally accompanied his wife to her Saturday morning Pilates class… but back to the point. Tucker replaced Ken in the 11th Hour by committing at 10am, which I guess is technically the 10th Hour. Anyway, he played an extraordinary game “defensively”, which again is a polite way of skirting around the fact that he grounded-out to the Ehud-inator (pitcher) three times – although for the record it should be noted that Tuck was attempting to discover his “opposite field” hit and, thus, he succeeded in achieving a 45 degree shift (it was only the remaining 45 degrees that gave him trouble). Well, Tucker made an extraordinary play at short that, while not resulting in an out, did command the respect of every living organism at Cordornices at precisely 12:47pm...

Fure hit a clean double to the right center gap, which was fielded off-the-hill and thrown back to Tucker, who was covering second. Sadly, the throw was wide right and Fure noted that he was then in a foot race to third with Tucker, who was racing after the ball in a parallel path. Now, if Tucker reached down to pick up the ball, Fure knew he would be safe. So, sensing he had only one option, Tucker kicked a perfect goal to Johnny Cakes at third. Miraculously, Fure just beat the tag by less than a hare’s breath, but the ability of Tucker to kick such a perfect ball will forever be remembered by all who were there.

The Tucker story might end there, except for the fact that there was one more infamous kick. It was in the bottom of the 9th, Fure’s team was down by two with the single out that he made himself. Everybody Frank Cheung Tonight and Elaine Roghair’s brother Jonathan had each hit successful singles, putting them at first and second. Jeff “Wood is Good” then hit a blistering ground ball between Tuck at short and Johnny-boy at 3rd. Unable to field the ball with his mit, Tucker tried to kick another goal to Johnny, but missed his Joy Stick by 20 yards: the ball went out of play, deep into the Cordornices forest. This advanced Franky (the tying run) home, and put Finely Braided Roghair (the go-ahead run) on third, setting the stage for Davey Jone’s sky ball to deep right for the game winning sacrifice.

So, was Tucker pivotal to the game? Hmm. It’s tough to say, but Scholars will no doubt debate the record for years and years to come. Of course, such debate would have to include the triple play he hit into to end the top of the 9th, which was successfully negotiated down by his team to a double play: although it has to be noted that the Joy Sticks began their negotiation by calling it only a single out and then, after many many words (and the risk of a setting sun), all agreed to the double-play compromise – quite a ploy. OK, here’s what happened for all of those who care to know…

Tucker came up with the bases loaded in the top of the 9th. They were looking for insurance runs to pad their 17-15 lead. The Swan (Alan Brill) was on third, Touchdown Tony was on second, and Kira’s ringer (Pace – the fastest man ever to play the game) was on first. With a mighty swing of the lumber, Tuck drilled a ball down the third–base line, which if uncaught would have went into the deep Cordornices underbrush for the infamous “in the park homerun”, but Tucker was not counting upon the Frankster, who dangled his glove toward the line and somehow made contact and then hung-on to the ball. The momentum carried him to third, where he had the presence of mind to step on the bag and throw home in a single effort…

I know what you’re thinking: this sounds a lot like a double-play, not a triple-play, but the catching and throwing was not over – far from it. However, I must pause the action for a point of order: we played with only 8 on a side, which meant each batting team would have to supply a catcher and Fure’s squad lucked out in the bottom of the 9th because Super Matt was somehow summoned by the Softball Gods to do Fure’s bidding: or so it would seem…

Frank’s throw to the plate was perfect, so perfect in fact that it stopped the Swan in his tracks, who then darted back to third in a sure pickle. OK, so now keep track of the runners…

While Brill was heading back to third, Pace had rounded second and was also headed to third, but their was a fly in the ointment: a big frickin’ fly named Anthony Weatheroy. Tony Toni Tone did not notice that Frank had stepped on third, putting him out in the force. So, he was just standing on the bag minding his own bees wax, when suddenly he was being charged from both directions by Brill and Pace. Well, Brill was the first to rethink his choice when Super Matt made a perfect throw back to Frank and, thus, Brill was forced to once again change directions and raced home.

Well, Frank fired home, beating Brillo to the Pad by a step and a half, but somehow he was safe: What?! Isn’t it always a force at the plate?! Well, Super Matt was not in fact standing on the plate, but just off it: on the carpet. Hmm. We will have to revisit this in a moment. OK, so Matt had the ball again and Tony was continuing to stand on third. While Pace was attempting to negotiate with Tony to leave the plate since he was, in fact, out by Frank’s quick step to start the play, well spurred by Frank’s “good sport” attempt to arbitrate the matter, Pace reconsidered his place in life and raced back for second. Super Matt then threw wildly to Pedro who somehow performed the greatest scoop of his life just in time to tag Pace before he reached the base. Wow!

Now, Peter spent the entire game getting really close to bouncy balls, but was never able to actually get one to stick to his glove: the sheer fact that Peter chose this perfect moment to be a Superstar is anyone’s guess, but if you ask me “he did it for the team”. Big Players come up Big in Big Games with Big Plays: and so he did – if there was a game ball to hand out, Pedro would have gotten it at that moment.

OK, so two outs were successfully negotiated: Tony at third, and Pace at second, but what about Brill at the plate? Did Tucker hit into a triple play to make him truly pivotal to the game’s outcome? Many would argue “yes”. Let’s use a different scenario to make the point…

If there was a lone runner at third and Super Matt caught a long fly ball to deep center and then spun around for a perfect throw to the plate that beat the tagging runner by a step, regardless of whether the ball was caught or not, the runner would be out. Why?! Because in a situation where the batting team is supplying the catcher, the catcher can’t make an error in favor of his own team. Let me say that again: in a situation where the batting team is supplying the catcher, the catcher can’t make an error in favor of his own team.

So, there you have it. Tucker did, in fact, hit into a triple play in the top of the 9th, which was only topped by his second boot of the ball to put the winning runner on third in the bottom of the 9th. Now that’s “pivotal” baby!

And, on that note, there will be a game next Sunday at Cordornices, assuming Ray-bones gets enough commits.


4/18/08

Softball: Pets

Dear People,

There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still two slots left.

Please bring $3 for the field, which for this week only includes your choice of a rare 20-count litter of lovingly nurtured baby Laotian rock rats….Ray 845-7552

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