4/3/02
Softball: Studs, Queens and Clocks
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last weekend’s meandering 29-24 Easter Day paragon of competitive excellence reborn, and particular kudos to Broh, whose five hits, four homers, three grand slams and several thousand RBIs arguably provided the subtle edge that lifted my own team to its ultimate triumph. Indeed, I was so inspired by this unprecedented display of stunning aerobic ferocity that I joyously rushed home to tell Wendy that I would now ceaselessly aspire to this new touchstone of performance. Oh sure, my dainty little calve, thigh and pectoralis muscles are somewhat less girthy than those of the Brohster, but I am still utterly convinced that I will soon join that rarefied group of four-homer-manly-men, if for no other reason that I have already begun a vigorous new regime of vipassana meditation, nude primal screaming, whole grains and kale.
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In any case, and as most of you probably know, all of England is currently in a 10-day period of official mourning due to the utterly shocking and tragic demise of Lady Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon, perhaps better known to you as the Queen Mother, but who is, for me, simply my dearly beloved Mumsy. Indeed, she was in many ways like the Great-great-great-Grandmama that I never had, and while there will be those cynics who crassly claim that the British Royal Family is the most anachronistic and stupidest institution to which a supposedly modern country could ever possibly cling, I for one still value the calm majestic assurance that comes with every drop of regal blooding.
And so now, Mumsy is gone, and my mind is far from softball, and I cry, yes, I cry, for she was, in fact, my 8th favorite Royal (just between Prince Harry, the naughty pot-smoking great grandson, and Tsar Nicholas II, the somewhat less-than-successful Russian Monarch who was married to Alix, frisky niece of Mumsy’s Kingly husband, Edward VI---yeah, I know, tell you something you don’t already know). In any case, I truly believe it would be appropriate if we took a week off in order to be with the Commonwealth in their time of sorrow, but after careful consideration, I have decided that in fact Mumsy would have actually wanted us to play (as would have Nicholas, as would have Jesus, for reasons I explained last week).
Still, I must insist that the routine of our aerobic lives be modified in solemn respect, and therefore, there will be a game at Codornices this SUNDAY AT 5PM, which is like 11AM, except that it’s 6 hours later (except that it’s experientially more like 5 hours later because of Daylight Savings). So go ahead and make that commit; This time do it for the Queen Mother, Nicholas II and Jesus Christ, three towering figures of the synaptic milieu that makes stream-of-consciousness writing so clarion, concise and historically compelling….Raymond
4/5/02
Softball: FYI (Links)
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 5PM, and as of now, there are still TWO slots left.
Please bring $2 for the field, and remember that if you fail to set your clock forward on Saturday night, you risk arriving in the bottom of the 4th, which would be, of course, shameful, annoying and extremely bad form….Ray 845-7552
PS: As you know, I do not approve of using these missives as a way of hawking the sundry wares, causes and projects that I happen to value, and obviously, I’m not about to start now. This is especially given the 10 days of official mourning that I continue to observe in solidarity with the Queen-Mother-Lovin peoples of all the world. Nevertheless, in thinking about Mumsy’s 101-year-legacy of honor, service and Monarchial pointlessness, it suddenly occurred to me that had she lived just one more week, she probably would have wanted all of you to at least think a bit about the following:
1) As some of you might remember, last summer I spent many long weeks trapped in the dark and dank basement of my sister’s Seattle abode, toiling away on the second edition of a book that I had co-written with her five years earlier. Now normally I wouldn’t bother to mention this here, but it is true that I do personally rank women’s menstrual cycles as my 34th favorite topic, AND this book has now sold over 250,000 copies, AND it’s probably the most effusively praised work you’ll ever see on Amazon.com, AND finally, of course, the Queen Mother herself once told the BBC that "When I look back on my early womanhoodness, I think what I regret most is that I never understood the true nature of my own Royal cervical secretions." And given all that, I think it’s only appropriate that every female on this list tell every woman they know that they simply must read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
2) Mumsy was an unabashed fan of the English Language, although sometimes she would become frightened when she heard non-native speakers mangling the grammar or looking flummoxed when they couldn’t understand what the hell she was saying. Fortunately, advanced English language learners can now turn to ESLnotes.com, which I can assure you is easily the best and most practical ESL site in all of cyberspace. Please, tell every foreign friend you know, lest they continue to needlessly suffer from sucky comprehension.
3) Kim Aronson is the only Danish person in the history of our community to hit a triple! Of course, Mumsy didn’t really appreciate softball, but she did spend the last five years of her life working tirelessly for true excellence in web design and consulting, and that is why I believe she would have insisted that you visit Kim Aronson - Making the web work for you.
4) All letters thru this one are now online at Softball---Cybersport of the East Bay Peoples.
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