4/2/03
Softball: A Post Animal Planet Narrative (The Subtle Gradations of Fault)
Dear People,
Congratz to all on last week’s joyous yet ghastly 24-7 descent into the fascinating process of aerobic social implosion. For the second week in a row, and for reasons I don’t pretend to understand, my own contingent flailed about like dumb-and-drunken breeding cocks. There was desire, but no traction, focus, but no cohesion, and ultimately, we suffered from an insidious inability to not totally suck.
Nevertheless, hope never died, and even after Peter bravely pitched us to an admittedly problematic 3rd inning 14-1 deficit, I could sense a rally common deep inside my bosom. Sure enough, it appeared to arrive in the bottom of the 7th, with my team having slowly clawed its way back to within striking distance at 22-4. With two out and runners on 1st and 2nd , I took over couching duties at 3rd, and as an eerie silence briefly descended on the park, a frail Tilden yak brayed in the distant tundra. Then suddenly, tensions quickly mounted like a stallion on mare as Broh slammed a searing ground ball to deep center left, and while I knew Alex craved nothing more than a brazen dash toward home, the throw back from the outfield was so quick that I had no choice but to stop him cold, right then and there.
"No, no!" I screamed as he scurried around the baseline, but unfortunately, little auburn-haired Alexonov swears he heard "go!, go!" (which is similar to "no" except that it isn’t), and thus he blazed past 3rd like a crazed gazelle and headed straight into the most pitiful pickle I’ve ever seen, his enervated body served up like fresh virgin carrion to a despicable trio of enemy infield vultures. In his understandable frustration, Alex bitterly protested that I had said "go," not "no," and while that’s simply not true, it is possible that I had slurred my words and said "yo," as in "Yo, get your stupid ass back to 3rd before somebody gets hurt."
The point is that Alex blew it and blew it badly, and while I can’t be certain that we would have quickly gone on to score another 19 runs and win the game, I think it’s fair to say that in killing our rally before it had time to flourish, he is clearly the primary font of our team’s complete and utter disgrace. And therefore, there will be a game this Sunday at 11AM, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning …Raymond
4/4/02
Softball: Set Your Clocks
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now, there are still four slots left. Please note that Sunday Morning is Daylight savings, which means that you need to set your clock AHEAD one hour on Saturday night. If you forget to do that, you’d arrive at the field at 12, which is just like 11, except that it’s an hour later, and in that regard, you’d ruin the game and feel like a bozo.
Please bring $2 for the field, which for this week only includes the rare opportunity to play with my sister, who as most of you know, manages the residential Seattle dungeon in which I occasionally find myself ensnared. As you can imagine, balancing the two sides will be particularly problematic this week, since Toni has the team-sport value of Helen Keller (without the obvious excuses). Nevertheless, I believe that I got the aerobic algorithms reconfigured, and thus I can assure you that there will not be another blowout.….Raymond 845-7552
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