3/31/10

Softball: Further Musings on the Origins of Judeo-Christian Athletics

Dear People,

In one of those lingering paragons of majestic competitive excellence that allowed me to leisurely ponder the various trade-offs of psychosis, betrayal and death, Pace’s team barely staved off my own, 15-14. In retrospect, our fate was sealed by a blistering 2-out 7-run 5th-inning rally triggered by Steve Seskin’s transcendent single to left. Once on base, the Seskinator displayed some of the finest running of his long and storied career, and while it’s true that he’s not particularly “fast” in the traditional sense of the word, the raw determination with which he would soon round 2nd and dart toward 3rd can only be described as the wondrous waddle of a drunken Nanciesque gazelle. To be sure, YouTube itself pines for the footage.

In any case, this upcoming weekend marks the 1,978th anniversary of the resurrection of the great Jesus Christ, give or take a decade and a really interesting leap of faith. So naturally, I wasn’t going to bother organizing a game, but then this evening, as I feasted on the traditional Pesach Sheni of matzos, stir-fried lamb shank and wondrously succulent gefilte fish, I found myself asking that most critical of the four questions—To wit; Given that recent research now proves that the Last Supper was indeed a traditional Passover feast, why is softball different from all other sports?

Now look, as an athlete, a scholar and a Hebrew, I have my views, yet I’m obviously not going to quote myself like some kind of deluded provocateur. Still, I would gently remind you of what I wrote just 11 years ago this week, because frankly, I think we all know that I got it right…

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I for one am not about to schedule a game that would conflict with
the more spiritual foci of our people of faith. Nevertheless, I just happened to be reading through the Gospel according to Matthew when it suddenly struck me that the Mattmesiter’s most compelling contribution was probably his stirring depiction of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.

In all candor, I am not an expert in the ancient Hebraic tongues of
the Eastern Mediterranean, and yet my own etymological analysis
strongly suggests that the Aramaic slang word “mooundt” (meaning
literally, “awesome anthill”) was somehow translated into ancient
Hebrew as their word for “mount,” (meaning “nice mountain”),
when in reality, the location where Jesus offered his beatitudes was
on the “mound” (with a ‘d’).

No, I cannot prove this beyond a doubt, and I certainly do not mean to
cast aspersions on the fine folks who toiled at the Department of
Translation in King James’ Court. Yet I am suggesting that recent
archeological breakthroughs now clearly imply that the ancient
Israelites played a club-swinging ball game that was shockingly
similar to our modern game of baseball, and more to the point, when
Jesus rose to address the multitudes on that fateful ancient day, he
did so from the pitcher’s mound at the original Jerusalem
Stadium and Rugby Club.

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Yeah, it’s over a decade later, the commies have seized our health care and our entire nation is now being inexplicably led by a radical Stalinist Muslim straight from suburban Nairobi. Yet thankfully, my aerobic theory of the mooundt remains utterly unchallenged and universally accepted, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Easter Sunday at 11, IF I get enough commits by this Good Friday Morning…Raymond

4/2/10

Softball: A Variety of Things

Dear People,

There will (hopefully) be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11, and as of now there are still two slots left. Please note that it rains between now and then, you will need to check email that morning.

This week’s field fee is just $4, and that includes a complimentary one year subscription to the UCLA Journal of Eel, Cod and other Social Fishes….Raymond 845-7552

PS: Birthday Barbecue at Michael Tucker’s this Saturday Night!:

The following is from Chris Fure, true and unabridged….

Hey Ray,

Tuck wants me to broadcast our invitation to the Community for our BBQ party on Saturday night: Tucker's and Cyd's birthdays (no gifts). Doors open at 5pm, BBQ fires up at 6pm, we kick stragglers out at 10:45am Sunday so that we can make it to your game.

Thanks, Chris

PPS: Rosy Aronson is a dear friend and the wife of Kim Aronson, the greatest Dane to ever play in our community

(see http://www.eslnotes.com/ray/070799.html ).

Do I know that if you drop in for one just one of her awesome Release, Immerse and Emerge sessions, you will end up playing the finest softball of your entire life? Yes, I do. So check it out at… http://rosyaronson.com/rie/index.html


4/4/10

Softball: Sunday 9:45 AM: The Games we Play (Preliminary Announcement 1)

Dear People,

The city in its infinite wisdom has refused to open up any city parks, including Codornices, and that’s despite the fact I was there late yesterday afternoon to personally see there were zero puddles, it was dry and glorious, and in fact, there were dozens of people playing soccer and frisbee (and even a few taking it all in while smoking the noble weed). This decision apparently came from the highest levels of the Parks and Rec Department, energetic and customer-oriented public servants that they are.

In any case, it has not rained since and it’s getting sunnier as I peck (sort of). Moreover, I just finished talking by phone to their most reasonable employee on the ground, and in one of those empathetic wink-hinted conversations of tacit ambiguity, I’m pretty sure he implied that he would not be going back to the park, and I think he thought no other city employees would be doing so either.

The bottom line: Barring the return of rain, there will be a game at 11, but please be aware that this week’s is fraught with peril. If you don’t want to risk wasting your time and being kicked off the field in a state-sanctioned media-circus of utter humiliation, that’s fine, but please let me know now.

Assuming it happens, today’s game is FREE and there is one slot left.

LAST MINUTE UPDATE: The Doppler radar is showing an absolutely contemptible softball-hating rain front that seems to be oozing its way down from the Santa Rosa area. Therefore there will be a final update at 10:40 latest.

Patience/Courage/Stout resolve…Raymond 845-7552



Softball: Sunday 10:30AM: Sun and Defiance!


I just talked to Chris Fure, and he asked me bluntly, “If we allow ourselves to be intimidated by nature or the State, then who are we as a people?” I so concur! Of course, if this turns into a calamitous time-wasting bust, it will be Chris’ fault

See you at 11!/Three slots now left!/Get me a 20th player!/Brave and stoic forward!!…Ray

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