3/31/04
Softball: The Mystery of Pairs
Dear People,
My side lost 13-8, which means that my teams have now gone winless six times in a row. I tell you this up front because it’s easy to "speculate" about the prospects of more stable captainship, but in point of fact, I can assure you that I am not depressed, logy or even close to suffering from syphilitic dementia. Rather, I believe that I am still an inspiring team leader whose been unjustly tarred by the harsh random nature of statistical karma, and if you can’t at least accept that, then in all candor, it may be time to explore your own latent anti-Semitism.
And speaking of eerie aerobic quirks, something happened twice in this last game that had never happened previously in the glorious seven year history of our community. Specifically, with BASES LOADED AND NO OUTS in the top of the 4th, Mike Davey’s team stranded every single one of those ducks on the pond!—A truly metaphorical pâté of unprecedented opportunity denied. My eyes welled up with tiny little droplets when Ehud’s brilliant pitching ended the inning, for I was utterly convinced that I would never see a phenomenon like that for the rest of my youth.
Yet about 20 minutes later, my own team found itself down by five with bases loaded and no outs in the bottom of the 7th! Needless to say, it would have been really helpful to score some runs, but curiously, and for reasons I don’t pretend to understand, we quickly proceeded to pop-up three dumb-ass times in a row. Life is bitter for those who suck.
In any case, I am delighted to report that Mikey and Jen have given birth! He’s six or seven or eight pounds or something like that, and while his official name is still "The Baby Formally Known as Fetus," his formal label will be Elliot Nathaniel Gross. As far as I can tell from the jpeg I got (which immediately crashed my computer), he has his mother’s alluring eyes and his father’s breathtaking bald noggin. More importantly, everything about that tyke reeks of eventual softball greatness, and therefore there will be a game at Codornices this Sunday at 11:00, IF I get enough commits by this Friday morning…Raymond
4/2/04
Softball: SET YOUR CLOCKS/NO EXCUSES
Dear People,
There will be a game at Codorncies this Sunday at 11AM, and as of now there are still four slots left.
As always, $2 for grazing privileges, and please remember that this weekend is the end (or beginning, or whatever) of daylight savings. This means that you’ll need to move your clock FORWARD Saturday night, lest you arrive at the field an hour late that next morning. Remember, the last thing you want to do is arrive an hour late, unless you really want to sully your already precarious reputation with the taint of chronological retarditude….Raymond 845-7552
PS: Just for the record, this week’s email was sent out with a subject heading, but for some reason, AOL chose to grind it into cyberdust.
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